1
00:00:03,154 --> 00:00:05,741
Way up in the mountains
in a small little town,

2
00:00:05,977 --> 00:00:08,782
The Main Street was being
decorated all up and down.

3
00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:12,430
People stood in long lines,
sometimes waiting hours or more,

4
00:00:12,528 --> 00:00:15,115
Because Christmas need
to be bought in a store.

5
00:00:16,354 --> 00:00:18,533
But out in the forest,
not too far away...

6
00:00:18,534 --> 00:00:22,558
The little woodland critters were also
preparing for their Christmas day.

7
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:25,011
♪ It's almost time when the time is here, ♪

8
00:00:25,012 --> 00:00:26,458
♪ The time that's only once a year. ♪

9
00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:28,224
♪ We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near. ♪

10
00:00:28,225 --> 00:00:30,030
♪ A Woodland Critter Christmas! ♪

11
00:00:30,583 --> 00:00:33,362
The little critters worked
hard as they happily sang

12
00:00:33,363 --> 00:00:36,036
And each one of them had
a quite interesting name

13
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:38,952
There was Squirrely the
squirrel, Rabbity the rabbit,

14
00:00:39,198 --> 00:00:41,351
Beavery the beaver, and Beary the bear

15
00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:44,478
Porcupiney the porcupine,
Skunky the skunk,

16
00:00:44,796 --> 00:00:47,636
Foxy the fox, and Deery the deer

17
00:00:47,856 --> 00:00:50,356
Woodpeckery the woodpecker,
Mousey the mouse,

18
00:00:50,761 --> 00:00:54,586
and Chickadee-y the chickadee,
all made the forest their house.

19
00:00:55,509 --> 00:00:58,459
And on that magical day,
stumbling upon all of that,

20
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was a surprised little boy,
in a red poofball hat.

21
00:01:04,362 --> 00:01:05,471
What the hell?

22
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:09,685
♪ Christmastime is once a year ♪

23
00:01:10,226 --> 00:01:13,765
♪ Every critter holds it dear ♪

24
00:01:14,247 --> 00:01:17,913
♪ Every animal big or small ♪

25
00:01:18,327 --> 00:01:22,938
♪ Christmas means so much to us all ♪

26
00:01:25,015 --> 00:01:27,389
Well hello there. Welcome to our forest.

27
00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:29,361
How do you like our Christmas tree?

28
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It's... nice.

29
00:01:30,721 --> 00:01:33,265
Why, it's the most perfect
tree in the forest!

30
00:01:34,808 --> 00:01:36,917
Oh no, I see a problem.

31
00:01:36,918 --> 00:01:38,198
What is it, Mousey?

32
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,395
Our Christmas tree doesn't have a star.

33
00:01:41,412 --> 00:01:42,506
Ohhhh

34
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,120
We can't have a tree with no star on it.

35
00:01:45,507 --> 00:01:46,921
What are we gonna do?

36
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Now don't be down, y'all. Maybe our
new friend can help us find a star.

37
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:53,768
Can you really? Oh would you
please? Could you help us?

38
00:01:53,796 --> 00:01:54,718
Ok, ok.

39
00:01:54,885 --> 00:01:55,800
Yay!!

40
00:01:57,324 --> 00:02:00,352
And so, using some paper
and working with glee,

41
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:04,172
the boy in the red poofball
hat made a star for the tree

42
00:02:05,928 --> 00:02:07,197
Ohhhh

43
00:02:07,755 --> 00:02:10,035
It's the nicest star I ever saw.

44
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The little critters cheered
and Beavery said with a smile

45
00:02:13,898 --> 00:02:16,920
How would you like to sing and
dance with us for a while?

46
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,925
The boy in the red poofball
hat smiled and said

47
00:02:20,361 --> 00:02:22,296
Uh, no thanks, I'm gonna go home.

48
00:02:24,759 --> 00:02:26,129
Goo, goodbye Stanny!

49
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:28,471
Goodbye, Stanny! Bye!
Cya! I'll buy your hat!

50
00:02:28,472 --> 00:02:29,190
Wugh.

51
00:02:40,139 --> 00:02:41,118
Hi, Stanny!

52
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:42,933
Oh, whatta?

53
00:02:43,274 --> 00:02:46,166
His friends were all there!
What a wonderful surprise!

54
00:02:46,507 --> 00:02:49,136
The little boy smiled
with joy in his eyes

55
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:50,527
What time is it!

56
00:02:50,528 --> 00:02:52,285
You aren't gonna believe
what happened, Stanny.

57
00:02:52,286 --> 00:02:54,172
It's the most magical
Christmas gift ever!

58
00:02:54,328 --> 00:02:55,828
Porcupiney is pregnant!

59
00:02:56,322 --> 00:02:58,322
You guys, I have to go
to school tomorrow.

60
00:02:58,323 --> 00:03:01,600
I deduce the man-boy doesn't understand
the seriousness of the fertilization.

61
00:03:01,601 --> 00:03:04,844
Porcupiney is a virgin, Stanny.
Her conception was immaculate.

62
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:07,830
She's gonna give birth
to our Lord and Savior.

63
00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:09,449
What?

64
00:03:09,570 --> 00:03:12,537
It has been foretold unto me that I
would give birth on Christmas Day.

65
00:03:12,538 --> 00:03:13,267
So soon!

66
00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:15,334
How delightful! Our souls are saved!

67
00:03:15,407 --> 00:03:19,516
Finally the critters are gonna have a Savior
of their very own, of their very own!

68
00:03:20,547 --> 00:03:24,482
There's just one problem: We don't have
a manger for our Savior to be born in.

69
00:03:24,768 --> 00:03:25,897
Awwww.

70
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,523
But we got to have a manger.

71
00:03:29,079 --> 00:03:31,884
Can you do it, Stan. Can
you build us a manger? Huh?

72
00:03:35,314 --> 00:03:38,523
"Of course I'll build you a little
manger!" the little boy cried,

73
00:03:38,524 --> 00:03:41,720
and he winked at his critter
friends and leapt to their side!

74
00:03:43,744 --> 00:03:46,418
And out in the woods the
boy steamed right ahead,

75
00:03:46,626 --> 00:03:49,648
making a place for the critter
babe to lay its sweet head

76
00:03:50,711 --> 00:03:53,472
Gee whiz, if it isn't the
nicest manger I ever saw.

77
00:03:53,554 --> 00:03:56,353
I deduce it shall serve as a
perfectly suitable resting place,

78
00:03:56,354 --> 00:03:57,960
for the Son of our Lord.

79
00:03:57,961 --> 00:04:00,114
Does this mean we can go to sleep now?

80
00:04:00,293 --> 00:04:03,011
My Son will have the nicest
bed in all the forest.

81
00:04:03,354 --> 00:04:04,507
Fit for a king!

82
00:04:04,593 --> 00:04:07,343
This is going to be the best
critter Christmas ever!

83
00:04:07,344 --> 00:04:09,087
♪ It's almost time when the time is here, ♪

84
00:04:09,088 --> 00:04:10,754
- # The time that's only once a year. #
- All right, I'm going now

85
00:04:10,755 --> 00:04:13,169
♪ We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near- ♪

86
00:04:16,036 --> 00:04:17,580
The mountain lion! Hide!

87
00:04:21,669 --> 00:04:22,778
Go away! Shoo!

88
00:04:30,342 --> 00:04:31,321
Is it gone?

89
00:04:31,359 --> 00:04:32,512
I deduce it is.

90
00:04:33,016 --> 00:04:34,516
I'm not c-c-comin' out.

91
00:04:34,737 --> 00:04:38,612
Well, this is the end. The mountain lion
obviously knows Porcupiney is pregnant,

92
00:04:38,613 --> 00:04:40,374
and he's gonna kill it again.

93
00:04:40,402 --> 00:04:41,163
Again?

94
00:04:41,636 --> 00:04:44,252
Every Christmas the mountain lion
comes down and eats the virgin critter

95
00:04:44,253 --> 00:04:46,030
impregnated with the Son of our Lord.

96
00:04:46,031 --> 00:04:47,749
Oh dear, I'm so very afraid.

97
00:04:48,223 --> 00:04:51,959
Let's face it. The mountain lion
will never let our Savior be born.

98
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:53,774
Awwww.

99
00:04:54,807 --> 00:04:57,793
Hey, we shouldn't be upset this
Christmas. We've got Stanny!

100
00:04:57,794 --> 00:04:59,565
Of course! Stanny can do anything!

101
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:02,643
If he can build a manger, he can
stop that mean ol' mountain lion!

102
00:05:02,644 --> 00:05:03,971
Christmas is saved!

103
00:05:06,902 --> 00:05:09,696
High up in the forest
on a dark, craggy peak,

104
00:05:10,187 --> 00:05:13,079
the horrid mountain lion
lived and preyed on the weak.

105
00:05:13,641 --> 00:05:17,272
For the critters to be saved, someone
had to stop that nasty old cat...

106
00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:19,206
Goddamnit, this is fucking ridiculous!

107
00:05:19,207 --> 00:05:21,664
Said the little boy in
the red poofball hat.

108
00:05:23,321 --> 00:05:25,735
Killing the mountain
lion was no easy task,

109
00:05:25,812 --> 00:05:28,617
but he thought of a plan,
and he thought of it fast.

110
00:05:29,916 --> 00:05:33,202
Grrr. Grrr! Come on out!

111
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,357
Come on, critter killer!

112
00:05:38,358 --> 00:05:40,752
Your days of slaughtering
innocent little animals are over!

113
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Rawrrrrr!

114
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:47,172
Rawrrrrr!

115
00:06:00,574 --> 00:06:03,048
In a flash it was over!
A victorious blow!

116
00:06:03,251 --> 00:06:06,099
The mountain lion lay slain
on the cold ground below.

117
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:10,910
Hokay, there.

118
00:06:13,986 --> 00:06:15,920
Mommy? Mommy!

119
00:06:18,925 --> 00:06:21,607
W... wake up, Mommy, wake up!

120
00:06:21,995 --> 00:06:23,452
Don't leave us, Mommy.

121
00:06:26,831 --> 00:06:30,907
Man-boy, why? Why did
you kill our mommy? Why?

122
00:06:33,889 --> 00:06:38,377
I... the... critters. Their...
bir-birth of a Savior?

123
00:06:41,378 --> 00:06:44,015
The tiny cubs all gathered
together and cried,

124
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All alone in the world because
their mother had died.

125
00:06:48,109 --> 00:06:49,461
Aw. Awww!

126
00:06:55,311 --> 00:06:56,245
Oooo.

127
00:06:56,513 --> 00:06:58,361
You all right, Lady Porcupiney?

128
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:00,414
Oh yes, just felt a little kick is all.

129
00:07:00,589 --> 00:07:02,372
Well, it's been much too long now.

130
00:07:02,373 --> 00:07:05,151
Uh I'm afraid our helpful friend
Stanny must be very dead.

131
00:07:05,152 --> 00:07:07,628
Yep, the mountain lion
probably swallowed him whole.

132
00:07:07,629 --> 00:07:11,046
I guess that means our Savior is
gonna be made into Savior stew.

133
00:07:11,667 --> 00:07:12,676
Awwww.

134
00:07:13,551 --> 00:07:14,921
Wait a minute, look!

135
00:07:17,573 --> 00:07:18,449
Stanny!

136
00:07:20,185 --> 00:07:21,599
Stanny, you're alive.

137
00:07:21,802 --> 00:07:24,438
But, does that mean you
killed the mountain lion?

138
00:07:25,231 --> 00:07:26,166
It's dead.

139
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:27,954
For real and for true?

140
00:07:27,955 --> 00:07:29,021
Are you sure?

141
00:07:29,612 --> 00:07:31,650
I'm sure. It won't be
hurting you anymore.

142
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:36,095
He did it! Now our critter Christmas
can finally happen! Hail Satan!

143
00:07:36,637 --> 00:07:37,686
Hail Satan!

144
00:07:38,503 --> 00:07:39,433
Wait, wha-what?

145
00:07:39,434 --> 00:07:41,500
You've done us a huge favor, Stanny!

146
00:07:41,566 --> 00:07:45,790
Without the mountain lion around, the Lady
Porcupiney can give birth to the Antichrist!

147
00:07:45,791 --> 00:07:46,877
Yaaay Satan!

148
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:49,938
Waiwait, the Antichrist?? You said
she was giving birth to your savior!

149
00:07:49,939 --> 00:07:52,266
Yeah, to the Son of our Lord,
Satan, Prince of Darkness.

150
00:07:52,267 --> 00:07:53,804
But I thought you meant the Son of God!

151
00:07:53,805 --> 00:07:56,669
Well, think about it: You really think
God would have sex with a porcupine?

152
00:07:56,670 --> 00:08:00,029
No way! Only Satan, Prince of Darkness
and King of all Evil would do that!

153
00:08:00,030 --> 00:08:00,704
Yay!

154
00:08:01,221 --> 00:08:04,500
This just calls for a celebration!
Let's sacrifice Rabbity and eat his flesh!

155
00:08:04,501 --> 00:08:06,349
Yay! Sacrifice me to the Devil!

156
00:08:17,482 --> 00:08:19,417
Drink his blood! Drink his blood!

157
00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:24,442
Blood orgy!!!

158
00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,515
Yay, blood orgy! Blood orgy, yay!

159
00:08:33,739 --> 00:08:35,267
♪ What special time and special day, ♪

160
00:08:35,268 --> 00:08:37,334
♪ It's Woodland Critter Christmas. ♪

161
00:08:37,515 --> 00:08:38,494
Hail Satan.

162
00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:41,763
In the gentle forest clearing
on Christmas Eve morn,

163
00:08:42,379 --> 00:08:45,793
The little forest critters prepared
for the Antichrist to be born.

164
00:08:47,635 --> 00:08:50,918
The noble mountain lion had stopped
evil in all the years past,

165
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:54,556
But now the good protector lay
dead as the good owls amassed.

166
00:08:55,455 --> 00:08:58,042
And meanwhile three lion
cubs were crying away.

167
00:08:58,535 --> 00:09:01,296
For them there would certainly
be no Christmas Day,

168
00:09:02,091 --> 00:09:05,418
And soon the forest would suffer
from the offspring Satan begat.

169
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,871
All of this because of the little
boy in the red poofball hat.

170
00:09:10,477 --> 00:09:11,151
Ugh.

171
00:09:11,692 --> 00:09:13,955
Now that he'd killed
the noble lion queen,

172
00:09:13,956 --> 00:09:16,617
there was nobody to stop
the Apocalypse, it seemed.

173
00:09:16,618 --> 00:09:17,450
Uuugh!

174
00:09:18,042 --> 00:09:20,282
"I know!" he said with a new happy grin,

175
00:09:20,654 --> 00:09:24,024
"I'll go back to the forest and
speak with those critters again!"

176
00:09:24,408 --> 00:09:25,431
No nonono.

177
00:09:26,835 --> 00:09:29,005
He ran out the living room,
turned out the light,

178
00:09:29,006 --> 00:09:31,811
and went back to the forest
to set everything right!

179
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:41,216
...and went back to the forest
to set everything right!

180
00:09:44,905 --> 00:09:47,579
...He tried to forget all
about it by watching TV

181
00:09:47,607 --> 00:09:51,107
but his conscience caught up with
him and to the forest he did flee.

182
00:09:53,449 --> 00:09:56,224
...He thought he could hide
from his problems - not true!

183
00:09:56,225 --> 00:09:58,640
He knew in his heart
the thing he had to do!

184
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,155
Leave me ALONE!!

185
00:10:00,275 --> 00:10:02,462
He knew that only by going
to the forest could he-

186
00:10:02,463 --> 00:10:04,725
All right all right all right!! God!!

187
00:10:08,215 --> 00:10:11,404
Hey, look everyone!
It's our old pal, Stanny.

188
00:10:12,736 --> 00:10:14,889
Oh boy, Stanny. You came just in time!

189
00:10:14,907 --> 00:10:16,814
Yeah. We've got a big problem.

190
00:10:17,232 --> 00:10:19,633
The Great Satan has commanded
that when the Antichrist is born,

191
00:10:19,634 --> 00:10:22,025
we must find a human host
body to transfer it into.

192
00:10:22,026 --> 00:10:24,676
That way he could take over the
whole world. The whole world!

193
00:10:24,677 --> 00:10:27,960
The human must be non-baptized
and heathenistic against Christ.

194
00:10:28,173 --> 00:10:30,115
We figured you'd be perfect!

195
00:10:30,578 --> 00:10:31,252
Yay!

196
00:10:31,558 --> 00:10:34,711
I'm not a heathen! I was baptized
and my family's Christian!

197
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,169
Awwwww.

198
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:40,561
But we got to have a human
host body for the Antichrist.

199
00:10:40,837 --> 00:10:44,077
Oh dear, maybe we won't have a
critters C-Christmas after all.

200
00:10:44,205 --> 00:10:47,726
Now don't be down, y'all. Stanny can
help us find non-baptized heathen human.

201
00:10:47,727 --> 00:10:48,914
Will you really, Stanny?

202
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,843
No!! I'm not doing you anymore favors and I'm
not letting you give birth to the Antichrist!

203
00:10:52,844 --> 00:10:54,665
I came here to put a stop to all this!

204
00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:55,924
To stop us?

205
00:10:56,086 --> 00:10:59,229
But gee whiz, Stan,
if you try to stop us,

206
00:10:59,230 --> 00:11:01,817
we'd have to use our evil
satanic powers on ya.

207
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:05,426
Right, whatever. I'm taking
down the manger I built.

208
00:11:09,207 --> 00:11:09,675
Ah!

209
00:11:09,849 --> 00:11:10,654
Aaaah!!

210
00:11:12,443 --> 00:11:14,591
Aagh! Aaaahh!

211
00:11:16,262 --> 00:11:19,491
AAAAAAAH!! AAAAAAAH!!

212
00:11:19,683 --> 00:11:22,369
Oh boy! Our satanic powers
sure did the trick!

213
00:11:22,791 --> 00:11:25,590
Our powers get stronger every
day, get stronger every day!

214
00:11:25,591 --> 00:11:28,510
Sorry Stanny, but you see, nothing
can stop the birth of the Antichrist,

215
00:11:28,511 --> 00:11:29,784
except for a mountain lion.

216
00:11:29,785 --> 00:11:31,214
And you got rid o'her.

217
00:11:31,215 --> 00:11:31,960
Yay!

218
00:11:32,404 --> 00:11:35,490
The boy shook with anger!
He broke a sweat and fell ill

219
00:11:35,684 --> 00:11:39,894
When he remembered there were three
mountain cubs still alive on the hill!

220
00:11:41,065 --> 00:11:41,913
Oh yeah.

221
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:47,506
Hello?

222
00:11:48,891 --> 00:11:50,131
Anybody in there?

223
00:11:51,683 --> 00:11:53,838
Oh no, it's the man-boy
who killed Mommy!

224
00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,333
He's come to kill us now.

225
00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:58,182
It's ok. I died inside when
Mommy was killed anyways.

226
00:11:58,765 --> 00:12:02,439
Yeah, better this than the slow death
we'd face without a mother around.

227
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:06,617
Look, I'm sorry I killed your mom.
The, the squirrel told me she was evil.

228
00:12:06,618 --> 00:12:10,379
You got tricked by a squirrel? Gee,
you're not too smart, are you, mister?

229
00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:14,367
I'm trying to make this all right again,

230
00:12:14,368 --> 00:12:17,570
but the only thing that can stop
devil-worshiping critters is a mountain lion!

231
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,158
Yeah, and you killed her.

232
00:12:19,293 --> 00:12:20,989
Well, you're mountain lions.

233
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,882
Us? No, we're just kids.
We still have our baby teeth.

234
00:12:24,203 --> 00:12:25,530
And our baby claws.

235
00:12:25,697 --> 00:12:26,850
And a dead mom.

236
00:12:28,663 --> 00:12:32,033
There still has to be a way for
you to kill the porcupine's baby.

237
00:12:32,872 --> 00:12:34,894
What? You mean like in an abortion?

238
00:12:35,465 --> 00:12:37,632
Yeah. An abortion. That can work.

239
00:12:37,956 --> 00:12:39,832
But, we don't know how
to give abortions.

240
00:12:40,332 --> 00:12:42,789
Do you know some place
we can learn, mister?

241
00:12:43,237 --> 00:12:45,838
"Where can they learn that?"
the boy said with a frown.

242
00:12:45,952 --> 00:12:48,757
"I know! The abortion clinic
just outside of town. "

243
00:12:49,225 --> 00:12:49,897
What?!

244
00:12:49,898 --> 00:12:52,817
So he picked up the cubs and
down the mountain he stormed.

245
00:12:52,818 --> 00:12:55,405
And took them to where
abortions are performed.

246
00:12:55,553 --> 00:12:56,662
No, he didn't.

247
00:12:56,774 --> 00:12:57,753
Yes he did.

248
00:12:57,888 --> 00:12:58,997
No, he didn't!

249
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,149
Yes he did.

250
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:01,883
No, he didn't!!

251
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,445
Yes he...

252
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:04,498
did!

253
00:13:04,954 --> 00:13:06,020
Aw Goddamnit!

254
00:13:06,197 --> 00:13:08,197
Said the boy in the red poofball hat!

255
00:13:08,198 --> 00:13:10,932
"We've made it already,
little cubs! Fancy that!"

256
00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:13,576
Excuse me, what are you doing here?!

257
00:13:13,851 --> 00:13:15,612
The abortion doctor inquired.

258
00:13:15,825 --> 00:13:18,369
If you wanna be in the OR,
a pass is required!

259
00:13:18,613 --> 00:13:20,802
I don't know, I, I'm supposed
to show these mountain lions

260
00:13:20,803 --> 00:13:22,424
how an abortion is
performed or something,

261
00:13:22,425 --> 00:13:24,186
I... I know, it'd ridiculous.

262
00:13:24,277 --> 00:13:26,598
Well, you're in luck,
I'm happy to inform!

263
00:13:26,599 --> 00:13:30,399
It's only three days until Christmas,
so I have LOTS of abortions to perform!

264
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,613
Gather around my table,
cute little lions,

265
00:13:32,614 --> 00:13:35,375
I'll teach you to do abortions
without even tryin'!

266
00:13:35,505 --> 00:13:38,380
And so the little boy and the cubs
gathered around the chair base,

267
00:13:38,381 --> 00:13:41,850
And all day watched abortion
after abortion take place.

268
00:13:44,576 --> 00:13:47,775
♪ Christmas time is once a year. ♪

269
00:13:48,556 --> 00:13:52,221
♪ Every critter holds it dear. ♪

270
00:13:52,528 --> 00:13:56,083
♪ Every animal big or small, ♪

271
00:13:56,533 --> 00:13:59,832
♪ Christmas means so much to us all. ♪

272
00:13:59,857 --> 00:14:04,220
♪ It's once a year, it's Christmastime! ♪

273
00:14:04,527 --> 00:14:07,487
♪ And it happens once a year. ♪

274
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:11,309
♪ It's once a year, it's Christmastime! ♪

275
00:14:11,587 --> 00:14:15,556
♪ When we hear about ♪
♪ how Christmas only comes ♪

276
00:14:15,759 --> 00:14:17,712
♪ Once a year. ♪

277
00:14:17,721 --> 00:14:20,666
This better have a point, dude.
This really better have a point.

278
00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:22,466
♪ It's almost time when the time is here, ♪

279
00:14:22,467 --> 00:14:24,508
♪ The time that's only once a year. ♪

280
00:14:24,509 --> 00:14:27,806
Oh look. That little
feller is all alone.

281
00:14:28,273 --> 00:14:30,188
Gee, he looks sad.

282
00:14:32,344 --> 00:14:33,236
Hi there!

283
00:14:35,189 --> 00:14:36,268
What the hell?

284
00:14:36,269 --> 00:14:38,867
How come you're all
alone on Christmas Eve.

285
00:14:39,158 --> 00:14:41,563
My... family doesn't
celebrate Christmas.

286
00:14:41,829 --> 00:14:43,449
Aww, but why?

287
00:14:43,713 --> 00:14:46,641
Well, because, we don't
really... believe in Jesus.

288
00:14:47,738 --> 00:14:48,695
Yay!

289
00:14:50,154 --> 00:14:52,725
But does that mean you aren't baptized?

290
00:14:53,086 --> 00:14:54,239
No. I'm Jewish.

291
00:14:54,526 --> 00:14:56,628
Yay! Yay!

292
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,857
You've got to come with us!

293
00:14:58,858 --> 00:15:00,750
You're perfect! Just pu-perfect!

294
00:15:00,804 --> 00:15:01,373
Huh?

295
00:15:01,374 --> 00:15:03,507
Yay! Woohoo! Woohoohoo!

296
00:15:05,389 --> 00:15:06,977
♪ What special time and special day, ♪

297
00:15:06,978 --> 00:15:09,044
♪ It's Woodland Critter Christmas. ♪

298
00:15:09,086 --> 00:15:10,065
Hail Satan.

299
00:15:10,892 --> 00:15:14,306
Twas the night before Christmas,
and above the woods, way up high,

300
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:18,296
a new bright shiny star hung in the sky.

301
00:15:18,464 --> 00:15:21,182
For the world to be saved
there was only one shot.

302
00:15:21,492 --> 00:15:24,591
A little boy with three cubs,
and an abortion plot.

303
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:27,438
Ok, come on, the critters
are over this way.

304
00:15:27,439 --> 00:15:29,631
You mountain lions ready to stop
the Antichrist from being born?

305
00:15:29,632 --> 00:15:31,708
Sure. We know how to give abortions now.

306
00:15:31,709 --> 00:15:34,340
He arrived at the critter
forest ready to fight,

307
00:15:34,836 --> 00:15:38,360
but then gasped when he
saw a most dreadful sight.

308
00:15:42,306 --> 00:15:43,620
Guys, we did it!

309
00:15:43,770 --> 00:15:47,184
The critter Antichrist is born, bringin' a
thousand years of darkness to the forest.

310
00:15:50,914 --> 00:15:54,202
The Antichrist had been born,
sealing the world's fate.

311
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:58,249
The boy in the red poofball
hat... was too late.

312
00:15:58,913 --> 00:16:00,707
Too late? The hell is that??

313
00:16:00,937 --> 00:16:02,177
Oh. Hiya, Stanny!

314
00:16:02,649 --> 00:16:04,845
Stan! Stan, what the hell is going on?!

315
00:16:05,221 --> 00:16:07,635
It's Critter Christmas,
dude! It sucks ass!

316
00:16:08,049 --> 00:16:11,167
Now all we have to do is put the
Antichrist into our human host.

317
00:16:11,168 --> 00:16:12,886
Let's go! All right! Woohoo!

318
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:17,213
That's it?! Ten thousand years of darkness
and I don't even have a Merry Christmas?

319
00:16:17,328 --> 00:16:20,469
When up in the sky the sound
of sleigh bells were heard.

320
00:16:20,470 --> 00:16:23,694
And a jolly red sleigh flew
down to the earth like a bird!

321
00:16:23,872 --> 00:16:26,251
Wwow, look, there's Santa Claus!

322
00:16:26,476 --> 00:16:27,734
Yay!

323
00:16:28,140 --> 00:16:29,796
Let's eat his flesh!

324
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:37,392
All right, what the hell is going on?!
Why is there a red star glowing in the sky?

325
00:16:37,755 --> 00:16:39,356
We finally did it, Santa!

326
00:16:39,357 --> 00:16:42,658
We brought forth the Antichrist with
help from our good friend, Stanny.

327
00:16:42,659 --> 00:16:44,855
Death and pain await all living things.

328
00:16:45,148 --> 00:16:47,545
Llttle boy, you should be ashamed!

329
00:16:47,587 --> 00:16:49,804
I mean, I didn't mean to help
them, I I tried to stop them!

330
00:16:49,805 --> 00:16:54,799
Well good going, stupid! There's only one
way to stop devil-worshiping critters!

331
00:16:57,636 --> 00:16:58,506
Aaaaah!

332
00:17:00,839 --> 00:17:01,992
Dude, what the?

333
00:17:02,419 --> 00:17:04,898
♪ Hold steady, Santa. ♪

334
00:17:07,682 --> 00:17:08,791
Come on, dude.

335
00:17:12,314 --> 00:17:15,644
Gee whiz, Santa, you're not
gonna kill me, are you-

336
00:17:18,299 --> 00:17:20,843
But Santa, what do we do
about the Antichrist?

337
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:26,634
Don't worry, boys. The Antichrist cannot
survive without a human host body to go into.

338
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:27,717
No.

339
00:17:28,194 --> 00:17:30,490
No, I want to have the
Antichrist inside me!

340
00:17:30,491 --> 00:17:31,513
What? Kyle??

341
00:17:31,997 --> 00:17:35,290
With his power, I can finally make the
earth a better place for the Jews!

342
00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:36,672
Don't do it, Kyle!

343
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:43,481
Dude!!

344
00:17:43,549 --> 00:17:47,704
Yes, yes!! Now the Jews will take
control of Christmas once and for all!

345
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,027
HAHA! HAAA!!

346
00:17:49,349 --> 00:17:50,763
Oh, stop it, Cartman!

347
00:17:50,923 --> 00:17:52,669
Just stop it! That's enough!

348
00:17:52,670 --> 00:17:55,692
You aren't reading another
sentence of your stupid story!

349
00:17:56,589 --> 00:17:59,971
I don't believe anyone interrupted YOU when
you read your Christmas story aloud, Kyle.

350
00:17:59,972 --> 00:18:01,488
This whole time your stupid story

351
00:18:01,489 --> 00:18:04,197
was just a way to rip on me for
being Jewish at Christmas again!

352
00:18:04,198 --> 00:18:05,888
Mr. Garrison, could you
do something, please?

353
00:18:05,889 --> 00:18:09,179
Sorry, Eric, but if Kyle feels
discriminated against, you'll have to stop

354
00:18:09,180 --> 00:18:11,326
or else I'll get a call from his mother.

355
00:18:11,515 --> 00:18:13,189
All right, fine! Forget it!

356
00:18:14,786 --> 00:18:16,664
Wwell but, but what happened?

357
00:18:16,956 --> 00:18:19,450
Yeah. Did Kyle bring a thousand
years of darkness or not?

358
00:18:19,451 --> 00:18:21,164
What happens to the lion cubs?

359
00:18:21,165 --> 00:18:23,873
Well, I guess we'll never know, because
Kyle doesn't wanna hear how it ends.

360
00:18:23,874 --> 00:18:27,085
No, it all worked out, right? The world was
saved and I went home for Christmas dinner.

361
00:18:27,086 --> 00:18:28,586
Dude, why do you care?!

362
00:18:28,632 --> 00:18:30,865
Well after all that I at least wanna
know if I had a merry Christmas

363
00:18:30,866 --> 00:18:32,332
or if darkness rules the earth.

364
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:34,469
Oh come on! It's obvious what happens!

365
00:18:34,470 --> 00:18:37,364
I get killed by Santa Claus
so that Christmas is saved!

366
00:18:37,365 --> 00:18:38,975
That's not at all what happens.

367
00:18:38,976 --> 00:18:41,044
Aw well, come on.
Let him read us the end.

368
00:18:41,045 --> 00:18:42,372
Yeah yeah, come on!

369
00:18:43,929 --> 00:18:45,125
All right, fine!

370
00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:57,022
"Oh dear, my best friend is
possessed! How about that?"

371
00:18:57,023 --> 00:18:59,373
said the little boy in
the red poofball hat.

372
00:18:59,780 --> 00:19:01,971
HAHAHAA!! Now I shall rule the-

373
00:19:02,573 --> 00:19:04,550
Aww. Uuugh.

374
00:19:04,551 --> 00:19:08,267
God it burns! AAAH! My soul is on fire!

375
00:19:08,268 --> 00:19:10,111
Whoa. Oh, I don't like this!

376
00:19:10,393 --> 00:19:13,176
I didn't know it would
feel so... dark and evil!

377
00:19:13,355 --> 00:19:15,624
Well what did you expect, dude?
It's the son of the Devil.

378
00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:17,138
Oh God, what have I done??

379
00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:20,553
I'm sorry. Please, I don't wanna
be the vessel for the Antichrist.

380
00:19:20,558 --> 00:19:24,827
I'm sorry, but it's too late, Kyle!
Santa's gonna have to kill you!

381
00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:26,277
No Santa, don't!

382
00:19:26,278 --> 00:19:27,890
We don't have a choice.

383
00:19:27,891 --> 00:19:31,713
In a few hours, the dark creature
inside him will consume his soul.

384
00:19:32,145 --> 00:19:34,823
The little boy fretted.
He almost started to bawl

385
00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:38,847
But that's when he came up
with the best idea of all.

386
00:19:39,616 --> 00:19:40,725
The lion cubs!

387
00:19:40,751 --> 00:19:42,436
The little boy quickly begun,

388
00:19:42,437 --> 00:19:44,807
I took them to see how
abortions are done.

389
00:19:44,911 --> 00:19:45,656
What??

390
00:19:45,657 --> 00:19:47,854
Now cubs, do like they
showed you. Hurry up fast!

391
00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:50,442
Get the Antichrist out
of my friend Kyle's ass!

392
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:55,973
And in the twinkling starlight,
each little cub did their portion.

393
00:19:56,521 --> 00:19:59,717
They remember all they had learned
and gave Kyle an abortion.

394
00:20:14,288 --> 00:20:16,938
Thanks, everybody. I I'm sorry
I got a little crazy there.

395
00:20:16,939 --> 00:20:18,918
Well little boy, it seems that YOU

396
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:23,761
have really been through a lot. Is there any
special present you would like this year?

397
00:20:24,347 --> 00:20:25,871
Yeah. Yeah, there is.

398
00:20:33,831 --> 00:20:35,929
Weh, ah my, what happened?

399
00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:37,031
Mommy?

400
00:20:37,434 --> 00:20:39,639
Yay! You're back! We missed you, Mommy!

401
00:20:39,846 --> 00:20:41,078
Ogh, good.

402
00:20:41,483 --> 00:20:45,583
And back home, there were presents,
and lots of food to get fat.

403
00:20:45,741 --> 00:20:50,787
And it was the best Christmas ever
for the boy in the red poofball hat.

404
00:20:52,464 --> 00:20:55,045
And they all lived happily ever after.

405
00:20:55,916 --> 00:20:58,634
Except for Kyle, who died
of AIDS two weeks later.

406
00:21:00,377 --> 00:21:01,393
Goddamnit Cartman!

407
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:04,867
♪ Christmastime is once a year ♪

408
00:21:05,423 --> 00:21:09,053
♪ Every creature holds it dear ♪

409
00:21:09,392 --> 00:21:12,905
♪ Every animal big or small ♪

410
00:21:13,399 --> 00:21:16,597
♪ Christmas means the world to us all ♪

411
00:21:16,598 --> 00:21:20,787
♪ It's once a year, it's Christmastime ♪

412
00:21:21,378 --> 00:21:28,342
♪ When we hear about how Christmas ♪
♪ only comes Once a year. ♪