1
00:00:03,627 --> 00:00:06,467
We are South Park, Green and White.
Let's go, Cows! Fight fight fight!

2
00:00:06,468 --> 00:00:09,897
Nobody can beat a Cow!
Let's gooo, South Park!

3
00:00:09,905 --> 00:00:11,845
Hey, South Park!
Do you have school spirit?

4
00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:13,502
Moooooooo!

5
00:00:13,795 --> 00:00:16,576
I think us Cows have the best
school spirit. Huh, Mandy?

6
00:00:16,577 --> 00:00:19,501
Yeah, and South Park is really gonna
stick it to Littleton next week!

7
00:00:19,502 --> 00:00:22,481
Let's bring out our mascot
and get this pep rally going!

8
00:00:25,269 --> 00:00:28,378
It's Billy! Uh, Billy will wave
for me! Wave for me, Billy!

9
00:00:37,641 --> 00:00:40,615
We are People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals!

10
00:00:40,616 --> 00:00:44,426
We protest your insensitive use
of cows as your school mascot!

11
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:46,947
Oh Jesus, not PETA again.

12
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,224
Cows are maimed and slaughtered
and used as a commodity!

13
00:00:54,424 --> 00:00:57,917
This is unfair to the cows!
This is your insensitivity!

14
00:00:58,521 --> 00:00:59,720
EWWW!

15
00:01:02,212 --> 00:01:08,225
The cow is a slave! The cow is a commodity!
To be thrown away by a society gone wrong!

16
00:01:12,522 --> 00:01:15,196
All right, children, I have just
been informed that since our school

17
00:01:15,197 --> 00:01:19,257
has been attacked by
eco-terrorists for the 47th time,

18
00:01:19,258 --> 00:01:21,989
we are going to change
our school mascot.

19
00:01:22,479 --> 00:01:23,865
AWWWWWWWWW!!!

20
00:01:23,995 --> 00:01:27,682
Buh, Mr. Garrision, if we change our
mascot that means the eco-terrorists win!

21
00:01:27,683 --> 00:01:30,227
That's right, Stanley,
the eco-terrorists win.

22
00:01:31,229 --> 00:01:34,035
Now, I have here a
mascot selection sheet.

23
00:01:34,077 --> 00:01:38,164
Every student is supposed to check the box
next to the mascot they like the most.

24
00:01:38,206 --> 00:01:41,543
And the most popular selection
will be the school's new mascot.

25
00:01:41,578 --> 00:01:43,252
But we like being the Cows!

26
00:01:44,935 --> 00:01:48,107
You're responsible for the
enslavement and genocide of millions!

27
00:01:48,603 --> 00:01:51,715
Get, get outta here, PETA!
We're changin' the mascot already!

28
00:01:51,716 --> 00:01:53,552
Who'll speak for those who
cannot speak for themselves??

29
00:01:53,553 --> 00:01:55,227
Go on, get, get outta here!

30
00:01:55,888 --> 00:01:57,090
Get, get out!

31
00:01:57,946 --> 00:02:00,118
Jesus, where do they keep coming from??

32
00:02:00,980 --> 00:02:02,437
Go on, get outta here.

33
00:02:03,139 --> 00:02:04,533
This is bullcrap, dude!

34
00:02:04,534 --> 00:02:06,230
Now children, it's not that bad.

35
00:02:06,231 --> 00:02:09,427
There's plenty of great new mascots
on the sheet to chose from.

36
00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:13,432
The Hurricanes, the Blizzards,
the Redskins, the Indians...

37
00:02:13,583 --> 00:02:15,572
But aren't Indians and
Redskins just as offensive?

38
00:02:15,573 --> 00:02:18,136
No, those are fine. PETA
doesn't care about people.

39
00:02:19,770 --> 00:02:21,630
Goddamnit PETAns piss me off!

40
00:02:21,631 --> 00:02:24,672
We're never gonna end up with a stupid
eagle or a faggy bobcat as a mascot.

41
00:02:24,673 --> 00:02:26,761
Wait. You guys, I have an awesome idea!

42
00:02:26,762 --> 00:02:30,055
We should secretly go around and tell all
the students we can to not check any of

43
00:02:30,056 --> 00:02:33,491
the mmascots on this election sheet,
and instead write in "Giant Douche. "

44
00:02:33,492 --> 00:02:34,340
Ye-heah!

45
00:02:34,341 --> 00:02:35,414
(Yeah, totally awesome!)

46
00:02:35,415 --> 00:02:37,955
Yeh- no, no, wait wait wait.
I got a better idea you guys.

47
00:02:37,956 --> 00:02:40,237
What we should do is we
should secretly go around

48
00:02:40,238 --> 00:02:42,318
and tell all the sstudents
we can to not check any of

49
00:02:42,319 --> 00:02:46,080
the mascots on this election sheet,
and instead write in "Turd Sandwich. "

50
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,157
Turd Sandwich isn't
better than Giant Douche.

51
00:02:50,158 --> 00:02:52,570
Heh, it's only about a thousand
times better, am I right guys?

52
00:02:52,571 --> 00:02:54,626
Come on! We have to tell everybody
fast! This is gonna be soo funny!

53
00:02:54,627 --> 00:02:58,343
It was MY idea and we're gonna tell everyone
to write in "Giant Douche!" It's way funnier!

54
00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,278
IT IS NOT!!!

55
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:01,629
Kenny, what's funnier? A giant
douche or a turd sandwich?

56
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:02,324
(Giant douche.)

57
00:03:02,325 --> 00:03:05,218
Aw, you're just saying that because
I broke your cat's leg last week.

58
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:07,254
Stan, do you pick giant
douche or turd sandwich?

59
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,886
Dude, I really don't care.

60
00:03:09,424 --> 00:03:12,129
That's two against one, 'cause Stan
doesn't care. So it's giant douche.

61
00:03:12,130 --> 00:03:13,528
Wait wait, what about Butters?

62
00:03:13,529 --> 00:03:13,922
Huh?

63
00:03:13,923 --> 00:03:14,668
You hate Butters.

64
00:03:14,669 --> 00:03:18,025
Goddamnit you guys, Butters is our friend!
And he's allowed to have his opinion!

65
00:03:18,026 --> 00:03:22,440
Butters which is funnier? A stupid not-funny
giant douche or a super funny turd sandwich?

66
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:23,905
Hahaa, a turd sandwich!

67
00:03:23,906 --> 00:03:25,160
You misled him, fat ass!

68
00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:27,535
It's the best choice, and me and
Butters are sticking with it.

69
00:03:27,536 --> 00:03:29,159
Yeah!... What's this for?

70
00:03:30,207 --> 00:03:32,661
Jimmy, we're gonna have everyone write
in a mascot that's really funny,

71
00:03:32,662 --> 00:03:34,272
and you have to tell us which
one would be funnier...

72
00:03:34,273 --> 00:03:38,405
That"s a... fantastic idea fellas. Uh, the
key to successful humor is s- staying power.

73
00:03:38,406 --> 00:03:40,257
Uh tell me the first mascot idea.

74
00:03:40,258 --> 00:03:41,411
A giant douche.

75
00:03:41,782 --> 00:03:44,804
Heh, huh ok, that's pretty funny.
Now, what's the second?

76
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,045
A turd sandwich.

77
00:03:46,109 --> 00:03:48,827
Turhr... Ohokahay. Ok,
now let's wait ten seconds.

78
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:56,983
Ok now, t-tell me the first one again?

79
00:03:56,984 --> 00:03:58,050
Giant douche.

80
00:03:58,321 --> 00:03:59,474
And the second?

81
00:03:59,944 --> 00:04:01,053
Turd sandwich.

82
00:04:02,148 --> 00:04:04,548
Gee, th-they're both
screamingly funny, fellas.

83
00:04:04,549 --> 00:04:06,243
Uhhhbetter give it another ten seconds.

84
00:04:10,747 --> 00:04:14,055
All right, now we'll see which one
really has staying power. Number one?

85
00:04:14,056 --> 00:04:15,209
A giant douche.

86
00:04:15,490 --> 00:04:17,425
Ok, I think, that's it. Number 2?

87
00:04:17,765 --> 00:04:18,874
Turd sandwich.

88
00:04:19,785 --> 00:04:22,530
Gee, I don't know what to say, fellas.
They're both instant classics.

89
00:04:22,531 --> 00:04:24,265
But I guess I'll have to
go with giant douche,

90
00:04:24,266 --> 00:04:26,793
simply because the fact that
it's a giant renders it useless,

91
00:04:26,794 --> 00:04:28,779
adding a parody slant to the satire.

92
00:04:28,780 --> 00:04:29,585
AWWWW!!

93
00:04:30,093 --> 00:04:31,271
Ohhh, we lost?

94
00:04:31,285 --> 00:04:33,920
All right, it's decided. Let's
all write in "Giant Douche. "

95
00:04:33,921 --> 00:04:35,311
Ok. You win, Kyle.

96
00:04:38,842 --> 00:04:42,705
Attention students, we have tallied
your mascot nomination sheets,

97
00:04:42,706 --> 00:04:46,919
and there will now be a school-wide
vote between the top two nominations.

98
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:52,964
So here is the first most-requested
candidate, a giant douche.

99
00:04:58,780 --> 00:04:59,976
Go giant douche!

100
00:05:01,081 --> 00:05:03,814
Hey, South Park! Have
we got school spirit??

101
00:05:06,241 --> 00:05:09,980
We've got spirit, yes we do!
Giant douches me and you!

102
00:05:09,981 --> 00:05:12,234
Let's gooooo, Douches!

103
00:05:18,106 --> 00:05:21,604
And now your second
nominee, Turd Sandwich.

104
00:05:28,092 --> 00:05:29,613
All right turd sandwich!

105
00:05:29,614 --> 00:05:31,158
Cartman? What the hell??

106
00:05:31,258 --> 00:05:32,585
Giant Douche sucks!

107
00:05:33,017 --> 00:05:37,305
We've got spirit, yes we do! We are
sandwiches filled with poo! Yeeaahhh!

108
00:05:40,015 --> 00:05:45,243
Students can now cast their choice between
the Giant Douche and the Turd Sandwich.

109
00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:47,437
We'll count up the votes on Tuesday.

110
00:05:47,438 --> 00:05:49,171
You won't get more
votes than us, asshole!

111
00:05:49,172 --> 00:05:50,343
Dream on, Jew boy!

112
00:05:50,344 --> 00:05:51,959
Yeah, dream on, Jew boy!

113
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,803
Be sure to vote for Giant Douche.

114
00:05:56,804 --> 00:05:58,183
(Giant Douche! Vote for him!)

115
00:05:58,184 --> 00:05:59,771
Giant Douche is your man!

116
00:05:59,791 --> 00:06:01,636
Kyle, aren't you taking
this a little too far?

117
00:06:01,637 --> 00:06:04,022
I mean, do we really want a giant
douche to be our school mascot?

118
00:06:04,023 --> 00:06:07,263
Dude, I'm not going to lose to
Cartman's stupid turd sandwich.

119
00:06:09,696 --> 00:06:13,764
Vote for Turd Sandwich. This is the
most important election of our lives.

120
00:06:13,968 --> 00:06:16,088
Turd Sandwich brings us hope for change.

121
00:06:16,089 --> 00:06:18,720
A vote for Turd Sandwich
is a Vote for Tomorrow!

122
00:06:19,174 --> 00:06:21,004
There. Do you really want
that asshole to win?

123
00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:21,981
I'm not voting!

124
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,128
What? Y-you gotta vote, dude.

125
00:06:24,129 --> 00:06:27,006
Haven't you seen the Rock the Vote
stuff or, or Puff Daddy's Vote or Die?

126
00:06:27,007 --> 00:06:29,247
I just think this whole thing is stupid!

127
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:33,895
Kenny, we have got to make Stan
understand the importance of voting,

128
00:06:33,896 --> 00:06:36,266
because he'll definitely
vote for our guy.

129
00:06:38,391 --> 00:06:40,057
How was school today, Stanley?

130
00:06:40,058 --> 00:06:42,085
It was ridiculous. We have
to have a new school mascot

131
00:06:42,086 --> 00:06:45,673
and we're supposed to vote between
a giant douche and a turd sandwich.

132
00:06:46,831 --> 00:06:48,178
What did you say?

133
00:06:48,179 --> 00:06:50,993
Did you just say that...
voting is ridiculous?

134
00:06:51,352 --> 00:06:54,605
No, I think voting is great, but, if I have
to choose between a douche and a turd,

135
00:06:54,606 --> 00:06:56,039
I just don't see the point.

136
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,367
You don't see the point!! Oh you
young people just make me sick!

137
00:06:59,483 --> 00:07:02,467
Stanley, do you know how many people died
so you could have the right to vote?!

138
00:07:02,468 --> 00:07:05,161
Mom, a-I just don't think there's much of
a difference between a douche and a turd.

139
00:07:05,162 --> 00:07:06,133
I d-I don't care.

140
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:10,476
You don't care?! You really want a
turd sandwich as your school mascot?!

141
00:07:10,477 --> 00:07:12,426
On your football helmets?! A turd?!

142
00:07:12,777 --> 00:07:15,196
Well, hold on, Randy, I think a
turd sandwich is a little better

143
00:07:15,197 --> 00:07:17,542
than them having a giant
douche on their uniforms.

144
00:07:17,543 --> 00:07:19,855
You're crazy!! A d-a
douche is at least clean!

145
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,485
It's sexist is what it is!

146
00:07:21,486 --> 00:07:23,052
You don't understand the issues, Sharon!

147
00:07:23,053 --> 00:07:24,438
Are you calling me ignorant??

148
00:07:24,599 --> 00:07:28,357
You think the school mascot should be a turd
sandwich? Well you're not exactly Einstein!

149
00:07:28,358 --> 00:07:31,467
I am sick of you belittling my
opinion, you son of a bitch!

150
00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:34,345
I hate this family, I hate it!

151
00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:44,112
Puff Daddy?

152
00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:47,930
Your friend Kyle said you don't
understand the importance of voting.

153
00:07:48,517 --> 00:07:49,191
I...

154
00:07:49,209 --> 00:07:52,275
Apparently you haven't heard
of my "Vote or Die" campaign.

155
00:07:53,163 --> 00:07:55,881
"Vote or Die"? What the
hell does that even mean?!

156
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,050
What you think it means, bitch!

157
00:07:58,410 --> 00:07:59,215
AAAAH!!

158
00:08:01,683 --> 00:08:04,262
Vote or die, motherfucker,
motherfucker, vote or die!

159
00:08:04,263 --> 00:08:06,988
Rock the vote or else I'm gonna
stick a knife through your eye.

160
00:08:06,989 --> 00:08:09,229
Democracy is founded on one simple rule!

161
00:08:09,669 --> 00:08:12,485
Get out there and vote or I
will motherfucking kill you.

162
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:14,474
Yeh.

163
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,755
I like it when you vote, bitch! (bitch!)

164
00:08:16,756 --> 00:08:19,103
Shake them titties when
you vote, bitch! (bitch!)

165
00:08:19,104 --> 00:08:21,685
I slam my jimmy through your
mouth roof (mouth roof)

166
00:08:21,686 --> 00:08:24,056
Now get your big ass
in the pollin' booth.

167
00:08:24,317 --> 00:08:27,555
I said vote, bitch,
or I'll fucking kill you!

168
00:08:29,518 --> 00:08:31,992
Vote or die, motherfucker,
motherfucker, vote or die!

169
00:08:31,993 --> 00:08:34,407
You can't run from a .38,
go ahead and try!

170
00:08:34,496 --> 00:08:37,052
Let your opinion be heard!
You gotta make a choice

171
00:08:37,053 --> 00:08:40,293
'Cause after I slit your throat
you won't have a fucking voice

172
00:08:42,142 --> 00:08:44,784
Vote or die! Vote or die!

173
00:08:46,615 --> 00:08:48,553
Ok. I'll vote.

174
00:08:53,608 --> 00:08:56,314
Hello, Clyde.

175
00:08:56,315 --> 00:08:57,443
What do you guys want?

176
00:08:57,444 --> 00:09:00,617
We were just wondering who you might be
voting for, for the school's new mascot.

177
00:09:00,618 --> 00:09:01,880
I haven't decided yet.

178
00:09:01,881 --> 00:09:03,973
Oh really? Well that's interesting.

179
00:09:03,974 --> 00:09:07,289
You certainly should think about
it and make the right decision.

180
00:09:08,322 --> 00:09:09,649
Butterscotch candy?

181
00:09:11,014 --> 00:09:11,732
Sure.

182
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,859
Clyde, are you aware of what Turd
Sandwich can bring to our school?

183
00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:20,234
A turd sandwich is not only the first
turd to be nominated school mascot,

184
00:09:20,235 --> 00:09:21,996
but even the first, sandwich.

185
00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:27,411
You see, what Turd Sandwich brings to our
school, Clyde, is a complete package.

186
00:09:27,412 --> 00:09:30,498
The turd and the coin.
And the lettuce, and the olives.

187
00:09:31,207 --> 00:09:36,145
Whe-whereas Giant Douche is just,
well ju-just a, ju-ju-just a giant douche.

188
00:09:38,014 --> 00:09:41,862
So, come voting day, you'll now most
likely vote for the turd sandwich, yes?

189
00:09:44,022 --> 00:09:45,696
I'm still not totally sure.

190
00:09:46,087 --> 00:09:48,501
Well then, perhaps we
could interest you in

191
00:09:49,596 --> 00:09:51,389
another butterscotch candy?

192
00:09:58,217 --> 00:10:01,447
You're doing the right thing, Stan. Don't you
feel like you're a part of something now?

193
00:10:01,448 --> 00:10:02,383
I guess...

194
00:10:05,543 --> 00:10:07,421
Look, it may not seem important now,

195
00:10:07,422 --> 00:10:10,251
but your vote really does count,
and we all have to do our part.

196
00:10:10,252 --> 00:10:10,780
Ok.

197
00:10:12,717 --> 00:10:14,453
Look... wait, what are you doing?

198
00:10:14,454 --> 00:10:15,310
I'm voting.

199
00:10:15,311 --> 00:10:17,765
No, no, you... you wrote
down Turd Sandwich.

200
00:10:17,766 --> 00:10:18,832
Yeah, I know.

201
00:10:20,586 --> 00:10:22,815
Dude, you're supposed to
vote for Giant Douche.

202
00:10:22,816 --> 00:10:24,570
I thoght I was supposed
to make my own decision.

203
00:10:24,571 --> 00:10:26,748
Well yeah, but not if your
decision is for Turd Sandwich!

204
00:10:26,749 --> 00:10:27,865
What the hell is wrong with you?!

205
00:10:27,866 --> 00:10:30,378
Wait a minute, you didn't want me to
vote you wanted me to vote for your guy!

206
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:33,133
Well, I just figured you'd vote for my
guy! Who's fuckin' friend are you?!

207
00:10:33,134 --> 00:10:33,880
Puffy!

208
00:10:33,881 --> 00:10:34,957
Hey, fuck off, Kyle.

209
00:10:34,958 --> 00:10:37,496
Don't let them intimidate you, Stan.
I'll help walk you to the booth.

210
00:10:37,497 --> 00:10:40,151
And then I'm gonna buy you a niiice
steak dinner with all the trimmings.

211
00:10:40,152 --> 00:10:42,402
Oh forget it! I'm not gonna
be persuaded into voting

212
00:10:42,403 --> 00:10:45,632
and I'm and I'm not gonna be threatened into
voting if I don't feel comfortable with it!

213
00:10:45,633 --> 00:10:48,481
I'm not gonna vote and you
can all just live with it!

214
00:10:49,972 --> 00:10:53,014
We've simply had it with your
son, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh.

215
00:10:53,015 --> 00:10:55,215
Voting just doesn't appear
to be important to him.

216
00:10:55,216 --> 00:10:58,581
Stanley, when you left for school this
morning you said you were going to vote!

217
00:10:58,582 --> 00:11:00,213
The whole thing is a joke!

218
00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:04,139
You see? He's out of control. It's
nearly torn our whole family apart.

219
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,045
Well, my hands are tied.

220
00:11:06,046 --> 00:11:09,469
We can no longer have Stan's behavior
jeopardizing the other children.

221
00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:10,797
He must be removed.

222
00:11:11,017 --> 00:11:14,257
Ogh! Are you happy now, Stan?
You just got yourself suspended!

223
00:11:14,478 --> 00:11:16,451
Nno, I'm afraid it's worse than that.

224
00:11:16,452 --> 00:11:19,952
By county law I'm bound to enforce
the harshest punishment possible.

225
00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:21,575
Expulsion??

226
00:11:22,184 --> 00:11:24,134
No. Banishment.

227
00:11:25,099 --> 00:11:26,169
B- bani-banishment?

228
00:11:26,170 --> 00:11:29,753
You can appeal to the city council,
but I don't think it'll do any good.

229
00:11:29,754 --> 00:11:32,559
Your son must leave South
Park, never to return.

230
00:11:33,089 --> 00:11:34,199
Oh, Randy!

231
00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:39,275
Our son, banished.
Where did we go wrong??

232
00:11:43,852 --> 00:11:45,700
Ya... you're all joking, right?

233
00:11:49,044 --> 00:11:52,797
As it was in the times of our
forefathers, so it is now.

234
00:11:53,237 --> 00:11:56,737
Stan Marsh, for not following
our most sacred of rites,

235
00:11:56,738 --> 00:12:00,147
you are hereby banished from
South Park for all eternity.

236
00:12:00,148 --> 00:12:02,701
Or until you decide that
voting is important.

237
00:12:03,241 --> 00:12:06,794
Good-bye, Stan. May the gods treat
you more kindly than we did.

238
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,485
Stan, don't you think this has gone far
enough? Is it really that big a deal?

239
00:12:26,609 --> 00:12:29,547
Yeah, just vote. For Giant Douche.

240
00:12:31,405 --> 00:12:32,558
I'm not voting!

241
00:12:37,399 --> 00:12:39,409
You, Puffy man, are we just
gonna let this happen?

242
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,255
We've gots to kill this non-votin' fool!

243
00:12:41,256 --> 00:12:44,121
No, Justacious, let him go.

244
00:12:44,122 --> 00:12:46,709
He won't survive a fortnight
in the wilderness.

245
00:12:48,422 --> 00:12:52,284
This is breaking your mother's heart, Stan.
She couldn't even help tie you to the horse.

246
00:12:52,285 --> 00:12:53,730
Dad, isn't this a little extreme?

247
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:57,642
Jesus. I guess maybe you'll never
understand how important voting is.

248
00:12:59,129 --> 00:13:00,238
Goodbye, Stan.

249
00:13:14,573 --> 00:13:17,726
That's... one of the hardest
things a parent ever has to do.

250
00:13:34,672 --> 00:13:35,999
Look! What is that?

251
00:13:36,103 --> 00:13:37,430
Oh, the poor thing!

252
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:38,495
Hello?

253
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,870
Don't worry, we'll free you.

254
00:13:41,330 --> 00:13:42,917
Just sit still for a moment.

255
00:13:42,918 --> 00:13:43,891
Oh thank God.

256
00:13:43,892 --> 00:13:45,740
Get offa him, you filthy human!

257
00:13:48,592 --> 00:13:50,092
Poor thing needs water.

258
00:13:50,301 --> 00:13:51,497
You'er safe now.

259
00:13:51,819 --> 00:13:54,233
Shame on you, making
this horse your slave.

260
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:56,352
Awww!

261
00:13:57,012 --> 00:13:58,670
Come, you can live with us.

262
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,396
We will give you food and shelter.

263
00:14:00,397 --> 00:14:01,435
What about me?

264
00:14:01,436 --> 00:14:02,662
OPEN THE GATE!

265
00:14:13,361 --> 00:14:15,992
This poor creature is in
need of food and water.

266
00:14:16,053 --> 00:14:17,814
You have a home here, friend.

267
00:14:18,202 --> 00:14:20,346
The... kid wants to stay, too.

268
00:14:20,716 --> 00:14:23,303
I was put on the horse.
I didn't wanna ride it.

269
00:14:23,639 --> 00:14:27,493
I don't know if you can stay.
We'll have to ask Dr. Cornwallis. Come.

270
00:14:30,311 --> 00:14:35,929
We don't normally allow outsiders.
See, here we live in harmony with animals.

271
00:14:36,199 --> 00:14:39,005
They're not our pets but
our fellow living beings.

272
00:14:39,006 --> 00:14:41,911
We work with the animals
and try to live as they do.

273
00:14:45,521 --> 00:14:49,858
We make friends with the animals.
We coexist, and we... intermarry.

274
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,900
This is my wife, Janice.

275
00:14:53,563 --> 00:14:56,487
The outside world looks down
on a man marrying a llama,

276
00:14:56,488 --> 00:14:58,666
but our love knows no boundaries.

277
00:15:04,834 --> 00:15:06,813
Wow, you guys really love animals.

278
00:15:07,485 --> 00:15:10,768
And why not? Mark here has been
with Kelly for three years now.

279
00:15:11,448 --> 00:15:14,905
And Gary and Sally here have just
managed to have a child together.

280
00:15:16,354 --> 00:15:18,064
Kill me...

281
00:15:19,883 --> 00:15:22,135
Yes, life here is good and natural.

282
00:15:22,136 --> 00:15:24,422
But now that you know
where our compound is,

283
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:27,184
you'll either have to live
with us, or be murdered.

284
00:15:27,364 --> 00:15:28,691
I'll live with you.

285
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:32,628
It's not up to you. You'll have
to talk with Dr. Cornwallis.

286
00:15:58,651 --> 00:15:59,847
What did he say?

287
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,427
He said I can stay.

288
00:16:01,689 --> 00:16:04,774
Excellent! Dr. Cornwallis
is wise beyond his year

289
00:16:04,775 --> 00:16:07,232
Here's your PETA shirt
and a bumper sticker.

290
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:17,162
This is Debate 2004 with
your host, Jim Lehrer.

291
00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:21,150
Welcome to the cable-access televised
debate between a giant douche

292
00:16:21,307 --> 00:16:22,677
and a turd sandwich.

293
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:24,602
We'll start with Giant Douche.

294
00:16:24,603 --> 00:16:29,333
Sir, some students and parents are reluctant
to have a... giant douche represent them.

295
00:16:29,334 --> 00:16:30,879
What do you say to those people?

296
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:34,342
Jim, first of all I would like to
thank you for monitoring this debate.

297
00:16:34,343 --> 00:16:37,255
And I would like to thank all of the
students and their parents for coming.

298
00:16:37,256 --> 00:16:38,861
Aww, suck-up, suck-up!

299
00:16:39,704 --> 00:16:41,235
What?! It's an obvious suck-up move.

300
00:16:41,236 --> 00:16:43,736
But I would hope that those
students and their parents

301
00:16:43,737 --> 00:16:47,342
who question my qualities would
simply look at my opponent.

302
00:16:47,623 --> 00:16:49,630
He is a turd sandwich.

303
00:16:49,873 --> 00:16:51,373
You're a turd sandwich.

304
00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:55,223
No, sir, if you'll pardon me,
you are in fact, the turd sandwich.

305
00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:56,724
You're a turd sandwich.

306
00:16:57,524 --> 00:16:58,910
Sir, you are a turd sandwich.

307
00:16:58,911 --> 00:17:00,411
You're a turd sandwich.

308
00:17:01,212 --> 00:17:04,365
Ahh, Turd Sandwich, I will ask
you not to speak out of turn.

309
00:17:04,459 --> 00:17:05,699
I I'm sorry, Jim.

310
00:17:05,863 --> 00:17:10,046
Anyway, as I was saying, ahh...
wait I I forgot what I was saying.

311
00:17:10,249 --> 00:17:11,568
Ha. Wha-hat a douche.

312
00:17:11,569 --> 00:17:14,172
All right, Turd Sandwich,
this next question is for you.

313
00:17:14,173 --> 00:17:17,183
How should South Park
Elementaryenforce its laws of conduct

314
00:17:17,184 --> 00:17:19,554
for young athletes
during sporting events.

315
00:17:24,205 --> 00:17:28,094
Uh you know, uh, my opponent wouldn't
even know the answer to that question.

316
00:17:28,129 --> 00:17:31,002
If you ask him the same question,
he would not answer it.

317
00:17:31,003 --> 00:17:33,685
He would stand around and just
babble on and on about nothing

318
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,981
until he was finally saved
by the buzzer sound.

319
00:17:35,982 --> 00:17:37,439
Your time is up, Turd.

320
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:43,295
Stan, I want to introduce you
to my stepdaughter, Teresa.

321
00:17:44,824 --> 00:17:47,064
She seems to have taken a liking to you.

322
00:17:47,373 --> 00:17:49,354
And she's ovulating.

323
00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:51,438
Ahh no thanks, that's ok.

324
00:17:51,701 --> 00:17:55,723
Stan, some PETA members are growing
concerned that maybe you don't love animals.

325
00:17:56,220 --> 00:17:59,079
I do love animals, just...
not like you guys do.

326
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:02,415
You... don't belong here, Stan.

327
00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:03,526
You should return home.

328
00:18:03,790 --> 00:18:05,768
I can't. I was banished for not voting.

329
00:18:05,769 --> 00:18:07,574
But, why on earth
wouldn't you wanna vote?

330
00:18:07,575 --> 00:18:08,513
I think voting is great.

331
00:18:08,514 --> 00:18:11,817
I just didn't care this time because it was
between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.

332
00:18:11,818 --> 00:18:17,189
But Stan, don't you know, it's always
between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.

333
00:18:17,374 --> 00:18:19,637
Nearly every election since
the beginning of time

334
00:18:19,638 --> 00:18:22,120
has been between some
douche and some turd.

335
00:18:22,155 --> 00:18:25,960
They're the only people who suck up
enough to make it that far in politics.

336
00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:27,550
I guess... I guess you're right.

337
00:18:28,545 --> 00:18:31,524
Yo, what did I say was going
to happen to you, bitch?

338
00:18:33,261 --> 00:18:33,962
AAAAAH!

339
00:18:33,963 --> 00:18:36,377
Aaaah!! He's wearing
the skin of an animal!

340
00:18:37,661 --> 00:18:38,596
Take that!

341
00:18:42,314 --> 00:18:45,759
I... hope that teaches you
a lesson about being hurt.

342
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,432
Itius, Rodicus!

343
00:18:51,401 --> 00:18:52,586
Vote or die!

344
00:18:54,098 --> 00:18:54,903
AAAAH!!

345
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,481
Protect the animals!
Protect the animals!

346
00:19:02,795 --> 00:19:05,556
Janice, we shall die together
in each other's arms!

347
00:19:09,971 --> 00:19:13,143
Kill me! Kill meee!!

348
00:19:19,918 --> 00:19:23,283
M'kay, that's one more
vote for Turd Sandwich.

349
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,697
So who won, Mr. Mackey?

350
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:30,071
It's pretty close, but it looks
like Giant Douche is gonna win.

351
00:19:30,364 --> 00:19:32,079
Oh no! NOOO!!

352
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,672
HA! You lose, fatass!

353
00:19:33,897 --> 00:19:35,709
Uh hey, wait a minute, look!

354
00:19:40,589 --> 00:19:41,413
Stan!

355
00:19:42,254 --> 00:19:46,272
Stan, you came back. Does that mean...
you learned the importance of voting?

356
00:19:46,858 --> 00:19:49,389
I learned that I'd better get used
to having to pick between a douche

357
00:19:49,390 --> 00:19:51,633
and a turd sandwich because it's
usually the choice I'll have.

358
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,170
He's going to vote!!

359
00:19:53,297 --> 00:19:55,493
He's going to vote. He's going to vote.

360
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:59,977
Let's get out the vote!
Let's make our voices heard!

361
00:20:00,628 --> 00:20:04,689
We've been given the right to
choose between a douche and a turd.

362
00:20:05,341 --> 00:20:09,736
It's democracy in action!
Put your freedom to the test.

363
00:20:10,589 --> 00:20:15,148
A big fat turd or a stupid
douche. Which do you like best?

364
00:20:16,589 --> 00:20:21,399
Stan's vote bring the total votes
for Turd Sandwich to... thirty six!

365
00:20:21,434 --> 00:20:25,598
And Giant Douche has... one
thousand four hundred and ten.

366
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,625
Giant Douche still wins.

367
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:29,173
Yeah! All right!

368
00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:30,615
AWWWW!!

369
00:20:31,246 --> 00:20:33,188
Dude, so my vote didn't
even really matter!

370
00:20:33,189 --> 00:20:35,046
Hey! That's not true, Stan.

371
00:20:35,649 --> 00:20:39,109
You can't judge the merits of voting
on whether or not your candidate won.

372
00:20:39,110 --> 00:20:40,697
Your vote still mattered.

373
00:20:41,333 --> 00:20:42,442
Hey everybody!

374
00:20:42,521 --> 00:20:45,686
They just found all the PETA
members murdered at their compound!

375
00:20:46,555 --> 00:20:50,042
What the? They're all dead?
Well, that means...

376
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,005
That we can go back to
being the South Park Cows!

377
00:20:53,006 --> 00:20:55,132
Hooray! All right!

378
00:20:55,951 --> 00:20:57,698
Now, your vote didn't matter.