1
00:00:01,867 --> 00:00:02,846
Hey fellas.

2
00:00:03,054 --> 00:00:04,301
Oh hey Jimmy, hey Timmy.

3
00:00:04,302 --> 00:00:05,150
Timmy!!!

4
00:00:05,508 --> 00:00:07,096
Say fellas, Jlmmy and I were wondering

5
00:00:07,097 --> 00:00:09,550
if maybe you would come and
cheer for us next Sssaturday.

6
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,996
We're both competing in
the Special Olympics down in Denver.

7
00:00:11,997 --> 00:00:14,292
The Special Olympics? What's so special about them?

8
00:00:14,293 --> 00:00:16,552
They're Olympic games for handicapped people.

9
00:00:16,553 --> 00:00:17,532
Dude, what?

10
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:20,094
Timmy and I are competing in a variety of events.

11
00:00:20,095 --> 00:00:21,828
Yeah sure, we'll come cheer you and Timmy on.

12
00:00:21,829 --> 00:00:22,801
Yeah, that'd be cool.

13
00:00:22,802 --> 00:00:23,703
Thanks a lot, fellas.

14
00:00:23,704 --> 00:00:26,066
Well, we gotta get down to the
training center and start working out.

15
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:28,483
Word is we have a lot of
ssstiff competition this year.

16
00:00:28,484 --> 00:00:30,188
Well all right, we'll see you on Saturday, guys.

17
00:00:30,189 --> 00:00:31,037
Timmy!!!

18
00:00:32,814 --> 00:00:35,313
Dude. I can't believe they exploit
handicapped people like this.

19
00:00:35,314 --> 00:00:38,858
I mean making them compete against
each other just for our amusement.

20
00:00:39,228 --> 00:00:40,902
You're an asshole, Cartman.

21
00:00:41,045 --> 00:00:42,415
What? What did I do?

22
00:00:46,802 --> 00:00:47,737
...six!...

23
00:00:48,218 --> 00:00:49,023
Timmih.

24
00:00:49,210 --> 00:00:50,637
Usss-usss-seven!

25
00:00:51,136 --> 00:00:52,289
Timmih. Timmih!

26
00:00:52,892 --> 00:00:54,300
Usss-usss-seven!

27
00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:56,044
Timmih! Timmiiih!

28
00:00:57,471 --> 00:00:58,798
Ni-I can'- I can't!

29
00:00:59,596 --> 00:01:00,662
Huff. Oh man.

30
00:01:00,914 --> 00:01:05,023
Gee whiz, Timmy. It looks like we have some
ppppretty stiff competition this year.

31
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:11,695
All of the special athletes seem to be in tip-top condition,
and I can't even get past seven ru-reps

32
00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:16,142
Huhh oh well, that's it for me, Timmy.
I'm p-p... p-pooped. I'll see you in the locker room.

33
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:16,991
Otimmih.

34
00:01:17,643 --> 00:01:19,665
Hey Jimmy, g-good luck on Saturday.

35
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,102
You too, Francis.

36
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:23,575
Hey Jimmy.

37
00:01:24,154 --> 00:01:25,568
Oh hey hey, n-Nathan.

38
00:01:25,891 --> 00:01:28,418
So uh, I see you train pretty hard.

39
00:01:29,061 --> 00:01:30,221
Yeah, it sure is tough.

40
00:01:30,222 --> 00:01:32,417
I'm training really hard,
but I'm not improvingfast enough,

41
00:01:32,418 --> 00:01:34,197
and the Special Olympics
are a... week away.

42
00:01:34,198 --> 00:01:39,184
Wellll, maybe I can- help you out
You know, there are shortcuts.

43
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,460
What kind of shortcuts?

44
00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:45,330
You know. Steroids.

45
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,825
S- s... ss-s-s-steroids?

46
00:01:55,052 --> 00:01:56,361
But aren't those illegal?

47
00:01:56,362 --> 00:02:00,676
Yeah, sure, but these are new. They
don't show up in our urine tests.

48
00:02:02,027 --> 00:02:03,962
So uh, ha-how do they... w-wwork?

49
00:02:04,453 --> 00:02:07,036
You just take one of these little blue babies

50
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,325
three times a day

51
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:11,965
and inject this directly into your bloodstream

52
00:02:12,221 --> 00:02:13,808
twice a day before meals.

53
00:02:15,030 --> 00:02:16,748
How much would this cost me?

54
00:02:16,785 --> 00:02:22,441
Ahhh it isn't cheap. I've gotta keep vice off
my back and secure shipments from overseas.

55
00:02:25,398 --> 00:02:30,116
Well... then maybe I'll just use them a-al-little
bit. You know, as a per-formance en... hancer.

56
00:02:30,489 --> 00:02:32,952
Oh, whatever you say, Jimmy my friend.

57
00:02:33,606 --> 00:02:34,912
Whatever you say.

58
00:02:39,047 --> 00:02:43,304
YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS! I have the best
idea ever! I'm gonna be rich!

59
00:02:43,849 --> 00:02:44,567
What?

60
00:02:44,575 --> 00:02:48,111
Dude, I was just looking at the Special
Olympics brochure, and check this shit out:

61
00:02:48,112 --> 00:02:51,549
"At the end of the Special Olympics,
a Grand Champion Special Athlete

62
00:02:51,550 --> 00:02:55,493
is crowned and given a
cash prize of $1000"

63
00:02:57,638 --> 00:02:58,137
So?

64
00:02:58,538 --> 00:03:00,552
So?? So dude, think about it.

65
00:03:00,587 --> 00:03:03,098
If somebody just pretended to be mentally handicapped

66
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,913
they could easily win the competition
and get the thousand bucks!

67
00:03:05,914 --> 00:03:07,282
Oh no. Cartman, no!

68
00:03:07,719 --> 00:03:10,185
It's flawless! I'll act
like I have a disability,

69
00:03:10,186 --> 00:03:13,254
and when the time come to compete I'll
kick ass against all the handicappeds!

70
00:03:13,255 --> 00:03:15,222
That's really, really terrible, dude.

71
00:03:15,223 --> 00:03:15,991
Terrible??

72
00:03:15,992 --> 00:03:19,055
Whatever! You guys's brains just can't
compute complex plans like mine can!

73
00:03:19,056 --> 00:03:20,706
It'll work, you'll see.

74
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:25,330
Cartman! I will not stand by and let you cheat
your way to winning the Special Olympics!

75
00:03:25,443 --> 00:03:26,160
Why?

76
00:03:26,161 --> 00:03:26,980
Because.

77
00:03:26,981 --> 00:03:28,750
What are you gonna do, Kyle? Tell on me?

78
00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:31,223
Then you'll be a great big no-good double-faced
poopy-pants tattle-tale!

79
00:03:31,224 --> 00:03:34,507
Is that really how you deal with
your problems?! Grow up, Kyle!

80
00:03:37,104 --> 00:03:40,742
All I have to do is make people think I'm
handicapped, and I get a thousand dollars.

81
00:03:40,743 --> 00:03:43,518
It won't be easy,
but nothing worth having ever is.

82
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:02,022
Darrrr. Durrrr. I wanna be in the Special Olympics.

83
00:05:03,768 --> 00:05:04,747
Bull's eye!

84
00:05:21,883 --> 00:05:23,797
Oh! Agh! Just, just a second!

85
00:05:27,523 --> 00:05:29,110
Hang on, I'm I'm, coming.

86
00:05:32,505 --> 00:05:33,962
Jim, it's your father!

87
00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:36,703
I said I'm coming!
Give me a Goddamned s-second!

88
00:05:42,189 --> 00:05:44,201
Jimmy, were you masturbating?

89
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:46,241
Nn-no, Dad.

90
00:05:46,271 --> 00:05:48,119
Ok. Well, you have a visitor.

91
00:05:48,934 --> 00:05:49,826
Hi Jimmy.

92
00:05:50,090 --> 00:05:51,664
Oh. Hi, N-N-Nancy.

93
00:05:52,316 --> 00:05:54,539
I was hoping we would study for
the spelling test tomorrow.

94
00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:56,187
Oh. Sure thing. Come on in.

95
00:05:56,188 --> 00:05:57,910
I didn't know you had a girlfriend, Jim.

96
00:05:57,911 --> 00:06:00,733
Yeah, Dad. We've been going out since
we met in Free Period last week.

97
00:06:00,734 --> 00:06:02,321
I'll leave you two alone.

98
00:06:02,898 --> 00:06:06,234
Y- you sure you weren't masturbating
Jim? It's ok if you were.

99
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,703
Dad, Jesus C-Christ!

100
00:06:07,813 --> 00:06:08,748
Ok then.

101
00:06:14,335 --> 00:06:16,604
Drrrrrrey drrrrrrrey.

102
00:06:17,509 --> 00:06:20,161
Hey guys, what's going on? Drrrrrt.

103
00:06:21,599 --> 00:06:22,665
God damn you!

104
00:06:23,445 --> 00:06:25,776
You see, gentlemen? The
Special Olympics Championship

105
00:06:25,777 --> 00:06:28,190
and my one thousand dollars
is just four days away.

106
00:06:28,191 --> 00:06:29,790
I'm going to go sign up now.

107
00:06:29,791 --> 00:06:30,846
No you're not!

108
00:06:30,847 --> 00:06:33,301
I read the brochure, Cartman!
If you're under eighteen,

109
00:06:33,302 --> 00:06:36,096
you have to have a parent with
you to sign up for the Special Olympics.

110
00:06:36,097 --> 00:06:36,858
What??

111
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:40,592
It says right there
"a parent has to be with you to sign up,"

112
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:44,232
and you'll never get your mom to agree
to something so horrible, so HA!

113
00:06:49,018 --> 00:06:50,198
Moooommmmm?

114
00:06:50,933 --> 00:06:51,825
Yes, hon?

115
00:06:51,895 --> 00:06:54,662
Um, could I get you to do something for me?

116
00:06:55,273 --> 00:06:56,513
What's that, hon?

117
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:59,759
Um, okay. This is goin' ta sound a little strange.

118
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:04,048
Um, but, stick with me. Um, moommm?

119
00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:07,295
Would you mind coming with me
to sign up for the Special Olympics

120
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:10,710
so I can beat all the handicapped kids
and win a thousand dollars?

121
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:16,742
Oh... Nno, sweetie. I believe those Olympics
are just for... "special" children.

122
00:07:17,091 --> 00:07:20,026
I'm not special? I thoght you always said I was special.

123
00:07:20,158 --> 00:07:23,999
You are, hon, but... I don't
think that's a very good idea.

124
00:07:26,891 --> 00:07:28,696
I'll split the money with you.

125
00:07:28,836 --> 00:07:31,430
I'm sorry, Eric. The answer is No.

126
00:07:37,342 --> 00:07:40,169
All right, Mom, look. Here's... the truth.

127
00:07:41,212 --> 00:07:43,191
God, this is gonna be hard to say.

128
00:07:43,814 --> 00:07:48,184
I think, Mom, that I've been hard on some of
the handicapped kids at school in the past.

129
00:07:48,311 --> 00:07:52,520
I've sometimes looked at people with disabilities as people
God put here on earth for my amusement, but...

130
00:07:52,521 --> 00:07:56,500
now I'm starting to think...
that if I could just spend one day in their shoes,

131
00:07:56,733 --> 00:08:01,290
...if I could just see the challenges they face every day,
... mauye I wouldn't be so cold.

132
00:08:02,327 --> 00:08:04,175
I just want a chance to change.

133
00:08:05,054 --> 00:08:06,547
Help me change?

134
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,457
Oh, a-a-all right, sweetie,
I, I'll take you tomorrow.

135
00:08:12,129 --> 00:08:13,047
Awesome.

136
00:08:15,476 --> 00:08:18,957
You did a great job in the 500, Timmy
You really im-... p-p-proved.

137
00:08:19,309 --> 00:08:20,201
Timmih!!!

138
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,775
I think I really got a shot at the
gold in the swimming competition.

139
00:08:22,776 --> 00:08:24,674
Coach says I'm the
fastest he's ever seen.

140
00:08:24,675 --> 00:08:27,066
Well, I'll see you nice and
early for p-practice, Tim-tim.

141
00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:29,049
Oh, uh, can you hand me my bag?

142
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,050
Timmih!

143
00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:39,757
Tim-Tim?

144
00:08:40,641 --> 00:08:44,620
Oh, uh, so... hey Timmy... uh hu-how about
we go out for a d-d-ddoughnut later?

145
00:08:48,705 --> 00:08:50,850
I'll uh, I-I'll see you later, Tim-Tim.

146
00:08:50,851 --> 00:08:51,743
Timmih...

147
00:08:53,532 --> 00:08:56,554
Look it's really none of your
b... b-b... beeswax, Timmy!

148
00:08:57,157 --> 00:08:59,147
Timmih. Timmih!

149
00:08:59,671 --> 00:09:03,302
Because I, maybe I don't have what it
takes to win with uhwithout them!

150
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:05,784
Timmih.

151
00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:08,289
T... T-Timmih.

152
00:09:08,727 --> 00:09:11,271
You you aren't gonna...
tell anybody, are you?

153
00:09:11,357 --> 00:09:12,972
Huh! Timmih! T-Timmih!

154
00:09:13,463 --> 00:09:16,305
Look, it's my body
and it's my choice what I put in it!

155
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,483
Timmih! Timmih, Jimmih.

156
00:09:18,695 --> 00:09:19,567
Arrrh Timmih!

157
00:09:19,568 --> 00:09:20,373
Jimmih!

158
00:09:20,699 --> 00:09:22,935
Don't lecture me on
the complexities of sportsmanship.

159
00:09:22,936 --> 00:09:26,086
You know as well as I do most of the kids in
Special Olympics aren't shooting up to compete.

160
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:27,848
I'm just trying to k-keep up.

161
00:09:28,589 --> 00:09:30,288
Huh... Timmih...

162
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,015
Timmih.

163
00:09:32,452 --> 00:09:37,452
Sssso what are you gonna do now, huh?! You gonna be a
fuckin' narc and show that bbottle to the... coaches?!

164
00:09:44,730 --> 00:09:48,709
Don't think you're any better than me, Timmy
I'm just living in the real world!

165
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:56,333
Timmih!

166
00:09:58,528 --> 00:09:59,855
Aaagyaaaaah Timmih!

167
00:10:01,116 --> 00:10:03,486
All right, thirty yards, Timmy! Keep it up!

168
00:10:04,023 --> 00:10:05,610
Oowrrr! Timmih! Livilaye!

169
00:10:06,688 --> 00:10:07,938
Yyyeess!

170
00:10:07,939 --> 00:10:08,939
Grrrr!

171
00:10:09,623 --> 00:10:13,080
Wohuhow, Jimmy, I can't believe
how much you've improved

172
00:10:13,081 --> 00:10:15,585
You're bigger and stronger
than I've ever seen you!

173
00:10:15,586 --> 00:10:17,894
Yeah, I've been working
out... r-r-really hard.

174
00:10:17,895 --> 00:10:21,874
You keep going like this and you'll break
Special Olympics records on Saturday!

175
00:10:24,053 --> 00:10:26,346
Ok, so this is all the stuff
we need to sign Michael in?

176
00:10:26,347 --> 00:10:29,939
Yup. Just take the sign-up sheet down to the
next table and we'll get it all finalized.

177
00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:31,214
Thank you very much.

178
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:32,977
Thank you! Good luck, Michael.

179
00:10:32,978 --> 00:10:33,652
Thanks.

180
00:10:33,653 --> 00:10:35,262
Ok, next in line please?

181
00:10:35,263 --> 00:10:37,216
Naaaa! Daaaaa!

182
00:10:37,863 --> 00:10:38,885
Hello there.

183
00:10:39,286 --> 00:10:42,999
Hello. Um, I would like to...
sign my son up, please.

184
00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:44,454
Naaaa!

185
00:10:45,428 --> 00:10:47,012
Oh, great! What's his name?

186
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:48,500
Eric Cartman.

187
00:10:48,893 --> 00:10:51,406
Caaartmaaan! Daaaaa!

188
00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:53,796
Ok. Age?

189
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,255
He's nine.

190
00:10:55,528 --> 00:10:57,507
O- kay, and what's his disability?

191
00:10:58,138 --> 00:10:59,959
Um, he's retarded.

192
00:11:02,644 --> 00:11:06,666
Nno, I'm asking what his specific condition
is. Down's Syndrome? Cerebral palsy?

193
00:11:07,152 --> 00:11:09,220
Ohhh, oh. I'm not sure.

194
00:11:09,782 --> 00:11:12,038
Sweetie, what is yoru condition?

195
00:11:13,183 --> 00:11:16,056
How should I know?
I'm retarded. Daaaaa!

196
00:11:17,757 --> 00:11:19,779
I'll just leave that blank for now.

197
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,475
Oh, hi Timmy. Come on in.

198
00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:44,422
I understand you have somethin' important
you wanna talk to me about, m'kay?

199
00:11:45,968 --> 00:11:46,729
Timmy.

200
00:11:47,883 --> 00:11:52,360
Well, Timmy, as your counselor, I want you to
know that you can tell me anything hm'kay?

201
00:11:52,398 --> 00:11:55,898
And whatever's troublin' you,
I wanna try and, and help you with it.

202
00:11:58,699 --> 00:11:59,591
N, Timmy.

203
00:12:01,181 --> 00:12:05,648
Mhm'kay, right, you're Timmy.
... You, you have a problem?

204
00:12:05,861 --> 00:12:07,905
No Timmy, Jimmy.

205
00:12:08,772 --> 00:12:10,211
Ji-Jimmy?

206
00:12:10,770 --> 00:12:11,488
Haaa!

207
00:12:12,461 --> 00:12:13,266
Oh, oh!

208
00:12:16,374 --> 00:12:17,135
Jimmy.

209
00:12:17,658 --> 00:12:20,085
Oh, Jimmy Valmer!
Oh, ok, what about him?

210
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,523
Timmih! Timmih, uh, Jimmih.

211
00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:25,406
In Timmy, Timmih Tim-oh! Tim-Timmih!

212
00:12:26,157 --> 00:12:29,323
Timmmih? Jimmih! Jimmih.

213
00:12:29,727 --> 00:12:34,779
Jimmih Timmih Timmih? Timmih, Timmih
Jimmih... Jimmih! Jimmih! Timmih!

214
00:12:35,072 --> 00:12:36,001
Timmih!

215
00:12:38,723 --> 00:12:44,230
Mmmmm'kaaay. I don't quite follow, Timmy.

216
00:12:45,119 --> 00:12:47,260
Argh. Jimmy...

217
00:12:47,709 --> 00:12:49,079
Right, Jimmy Valmer.

218
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,152
Uh, Timmih Jimmih Jimmih Jim-

219
00:12:52,869 --> 00:12:54,972
Jimmh Timmih Timmih Jimmih!

220
00:12:56,285 --> 00:12:58,048
Right. He's Jimmy, yeah.

221
00:12:58,525 --> 00:12:59,490
HAAAAAAAH!

222
00:13:02,039 --> 00:13:03,366
How I Will Spend My

223
00:13:03,374 --> 00:13:04,722
One Thousand Dollars

224
00:13:04,723 --> 00:13:05,876
By Eric Cartman

225
00:13:07,765 --> 00:13:08,526
Enter!

226
00:13:19,051 --> 00:13:22,643
Cartman, I really, really have a
problem with what you're doing

227
00:13:22,644 --> 00:13:25,623
I object to it morally,
and I find it grossly offensive.

228
00:13:31,381 --> 00:13:32,403
Go on, Kyle.

229
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:36,209
I know that I often have serious moral
objections to the things that you do, but...

230
00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:39,001
this time I think you
really need to reconsider,

231
00:13:39,002 --> 00:13:41,747
because if you do this,
I believe you will go to hell.

232
00:13:41,748 --> 00:13:44,479
So I feel it is my
responsibility, as your friend,

233
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,546
to tell people what you're doing,
and to put a stop to it!

234
00:13:48,801 --> 00:13:50,761
Well, Kyle, I understand
where you're coming from,

235
00:13:50,762 --> 00:13:52,658
and I appreciate you being so direct.

236
00:13:52,659 --> 00:13:57,030
Um, the thing is, you really have kind a
warped view on morality because you're Jewish.

237
00:13:57,065 --> 00:14:00,432
Now, Kyle, you haven't gone to see
Mel Gibson's film, The Passion but-

238
00:14:00,433 --> 00:14:02,416
I didn't come here to talk
about The Passion, Cartman!

239
00:14:02,417 --> 00:14:03,331
Let me finish.

240
00:14:03,332 --> 00:14:06,609
If you had seen The Passion you would
know that Hell is reserved for the Jews,

241
00:14:06,610 --> 00:14:08,340
and all those who don't accept Christ.

242
00:14:08,341 --> 00:14:11,306
That being the case, it is actually me who is
worried about your soul.

243
00:14:11,307 --> 00:14:13,104
I came here to talk about you!

244
00:14:13,105 --> 00:14:13,779
Yes.

245
00:14:14,184 --> 00:14:16,427
And instead you had to
break through yourself.

246
00:14:16,428 --> 00:14:19,056
This is really the beginning of a
whole new chapter of your life, Kyle.

247
00:14:19,057 --> 00:14:20,264
Good luck.

248
00:14:38,506 --> 00:14:40,137
Come on, push it! Push it!

249
00:14:43,642 --> 00:14:47,613
Yeah. Nice p-pecs. Sweet b-biceps.

250
00:14:49,968 --> 00:14:52,816
Jimmy, I thought we were meeting
at the doughnut shop.

251
00:14:52,817 --> 00:14:55,792
The Games are in two days, Nancy
I can't be w-wasting my time.

252
00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:58,519
I guess I didn't realize
I was a waste of time.

253
00:14:59,067 --> 00:14:59,903
Oh Jeez!

254
00:14:59,904 --> 00:15:01,984
Are you gonna start running
your mouth off again?

255
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:03,399
P- push it! Push it!!

256
00:15:03,947 --> 00:15:07,056
Jimmy, everyone's worried about you.
You seem... different.

257
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:09,202
Theh-they're all just... jealous.

258
00:15:09,203 --> 00:15:13,443
You're not the boy I fell in love with last
week during Free Period. I'm leaving you.

259
00:15:14,588 --> 00:15:17,569
You're not leaving me! You try to leave
me and I'll kill you, bitch!

260
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:19,505
You can't treat people like this!

261
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:24,174
I said, shut your mouth, bitch! Why
did you make me do it, huh?!

262
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:27,861
You're not leavin' anybody!!

263
00:15:27,862 --> 00:15:31,688
You just keep your G-Goddamned mouth shut
and do what you're t-t-t-uh-tol-told!

264
00:15:31,689 --> 00:15:32,581
What the?

265
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,238
Jimmy, oh my God!

266
00:15:34,898 --> 00:15:37,553
Stay away from me, you stupid bbbbitches!

267
00:15:39,602 --> 00:15:41,081
No! God!

268
00:15:51,144 --> 00:15:54,559
Welcome, everyone, to the
2004 Special Olympics!

269
00:15:56,907 --> 00:16:00,030
We will be holding various
throughout the day,

270
00:16:00,031 --> 00:16:01,857
and at the end of it
all we will have some

271
00:16:01,858 --> 00:16:04,375
very special celebrity athletes here

272
00:16:04,376 --> 00:16:06,552
to present the trophy for top athlete,

273
00:16:06,553 --> 00:16:09,643
along with the cash prize
of one thousand dollars.

274
00:16:10,653 --> 00:16:11,936
Top athlete, yeah!

275
00:16:12,369 --> 00:16:14,043
One thousand dollars, yeah!

276
00:16:14,547 --> 00:16:18,527
So let's have all our athletes report
to their first assigned events and...

277
00:16:18,528 --> 00:16:20,403
Let the Games begin!

278
00:16:22,672 --> 00:16:27,346
Will those athletes in heat 1 of the hundred-meter
dash please report to Track Aread B.

279
00:16:27,347 --> 00:16:28,974
Ok, racers, are we ready?

280
00:16:28,975 --> 00:16:30,119
Take your marks.

281
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,219
Daaaa! Daaaa!

282
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,095
On your marks! Get set! Go!

283
00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:40,512
Whoa. What the hell??

284
00:16:50,034 --> 00:16:51,122
Great job, everyone.

285
00:16:51,123 --> 00:16:52,766
You three advance to the next heat.

286
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:53,138
All right!

287
00:16:53,139 --> 00:16:53,587
Good Job.

288
00:16:53,588 --> 00:16:54,523
We did it!

289
00:16:55,392 --> 00:16:59,023
Well, guess I'll, guess I'll just have
to kick ass in the other events.

290
00:17:09,859 --> 00:17:10,794
Y eeessss!

291
00:17:12,436 --> 00:17:13,608
Yes! Yes!

292
00:17:13,971 --> 00:17:16,993
He's got it! That's a new
Special Olympics record, folks!

293
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,106
God-damnit!!

294
00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:32,490
Winner, Jimmy Valmer!

295
00:17:40,437 --> 00:17:41,705
All right, this one I can win!

296
00:17:41,706 --> 00:17:42,439
Here, hold this!

297
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,332
I'll show you Goddamned retards!

298
00:17:56,758 --> 00:17:57,780
God-damnit!!

299
00:18:03,627 --> 00:18:05,823
That's another Special Olympics record!

300
00:18:06,202 --> 00:18:07,283
Yeah! Yeah!

301
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:09,323
Yeah, I did it!

302
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:11,909
Yeah! Yeah!

303
00:18:12,817 --> 00:18:16,193
Ladies and Gentlemen,
our day of competition has come to an end,

304
00:18:16,194 --> 00:18:19,817
and we have an ultimate grand special
champion for 2004!

305
00:18:19,843 --> 00:18:22,714
Here to present the award
are baseball legends

306
00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:26,669
Mark McGuire, Jason
Giambi, and Barry Bonds.

307
00:18:29,494 --> 00:18:33,149
The two thousand and four special
athlete is... Jimmy Valmer.

308
00:18:33,524 --> 00:18:35,860
Yeah! Fuck yeah!

309
00:18:36,788 --> 00:18:39,064
Yeah, I did it! I'm the bbub-best!

310
00:18:39,885 --> 00:18:41,420
Congratulations, Jimmy.

311
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,730
But we all know that the Special
Olympics isn't just about winning.

312
00:18:44,731 --> 00:18:47,540
And so, we will now give
out the Spirit Award,

313
00:18:47,541 --> 00:18:51,464
to the handicapped person who
came in very last. Eric Cartman!

314
00:18:54,276 --> 00:18:55,690
Ah, screw you hippie!

315
00:18:56,152 --> 00:18:57,482
For winning the Spirit Award,

316
00:18:57,483 --> 00:19:01,274
Eric will receive this gift certificate
to Shakey's for fifty dollars!

317
00:19:01,275 --> 00:19:02,625
Come on up, Eric!

318
00:19:03,904 --> 00:19:05,833
I could pile at Shakey's, heck.

319
00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:07,940
Uh, Drrrr! Drrrr!

320
00:19:11,023 --> 00:19:14,045
Hey! Just what the hell do you
think you're doing, Eric?!

321
00:19:14,203 --> 00:19:16,009
Uhh, hehe. Uh de-duhhhh.

322
00:19:16,317 --> 00:19:18,513
You ffffaked being handicapped to win?!

323
00:19:18,994 --> 00:19:22,799
I should k-kick your ass right here, you
lousy no-good ch-ch-ch... cheater!

324
00:19:23,924 --> 00:19:24,729
Timmih!

325
00:19:25,426 --> 00:19:26,144
What?

326
00:19:29,299 --> 00:19:33,517
Oh my God. You, you're right, Timmy.
You're totally right.

327
00:19:36,225 --> 00:19:38,639
Everyone, can I have your attention, please?

328
00:19:39,615 --> 00:19:42,215
I'm afraid I have to give back my medal.

329
00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:45,979
The truth is, I haven't
been playing fair either.

330
00:19:45,980 --> 00:19:48,139
I've been using st-steroids

331
00:19:49,197 --> 00:19:51,020
I was willing to do
anything to be the best,

332
00:19:51,021 --> 00:19:53,398
and the steroids made me blind to
the people I was hurting.

333
00:19:53,399 --> 00:19:57,247
A good friend even tried to talk me out
of it, and I wouldn't listen to him.

334
00:19:58,310 --> 00:20:02,419
Taking steroids is just like pretending to
be handicapped at the Special Olympics.

335
00:20:02,755 --> 00:20:05,544
Because you're taking all the
fairness out of the game.

336
00:20:05,545 --> 00:20:07,517
But I know now that even
if you do win on steroids,

337
00:20:07,518 --> 00:20:10,234
you're really not a winner.
You're just a p-pussy.

338
00:20:10,235 --> 00:20:13,328
You're just a
big fat p-p... p... pussy,

339
00:20:13,329 --> 00:20:16,815
and if you take steroids, the only decent
thing to do is come forward and say,

340
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:21,002
"Remove me from the record books, because
I am a big, stinky p-pussy-"

341
00:20:21,003 --> 00:20:22,721
"- steroid-taking jackass. "

342
00:20:24,255 --> 00:20:25,642
That's how I feel about myself,

343
00:20:25,643 --> 00:20:28,504
and why I must decline this medal
and my place in the history books.

344
00:20:28,505 --> 00:20:32,005
And if you'll let me, I'll be back next year.
To compete with honor.

345
00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,566
Hey kid. Good for you for being honest.

346
00:20:40,750 --> 00:20:44,613
Well guys, I guess now you see
what I was up to all along.

347
00:20:44,804 --> 00:20:48,475
I dressed up like a handicapped person
and lost the Special Olympics on purpose,

348
00:20:48,476 --> 00:20:51,329
so that Jimmy could learn his
lesson about steroids.

349
00:20:55,643 --> 00:20:58,586
Eh, oh yeah?!
Well, well you guys are assholes!

350
00:20:58,707 --> 00:20:59,555
Grow up!