1 00:00:04,454 --> 00:00:06,454 WilLoW :--) January 27th, 2005 2 00:00:35,455 --> 00:00:37,760 Way up in the mountains in a small little town, 3 00:00:38,278 --> 00:00:40,786 The Main Street was being decorated all up and down. 4 00:00:41,578 --> 00:00:44,361 People stood in long lines, sometimes waiting hours or more, 5 00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:46,984 Because Christmas need to be bought in a store. 6 00:00:48,705 --> 00:00:50,539 But out in the forest, not too far away... 7 00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:54,704 ...The little woodland critters were also preparing for their Christmas day. 8 00:00:55,708 --> 00:00:56,994 It's almost time when the time is here, 9 00:00:57,213 --> 00:00:58,552 The time that's only once a year. 10 00:00:58,607 --> 00:00:59,989 We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near. 11 00:01:00,473 --> 00:01:02,085 A Woodland Critter Christmas! 12 00:01:02,881 --> 00:01:05,178 The little critters worked hard as they happily sang 13 00:01:05,611 --> 00:01:07,984 And each one of them had a quite interesting name 14 00:01:08,452 --> 00:01:11,058 There was Squirrely the squirrel, Rabbity the rabbit, 15 00:01:11,496 --> 00:01:13,523 Beavery the beaver, and Beary the bear 16 00:01:13,850 --> 00:01:16,487 Porcupiney the porcupine, Skunky the skunk, 17 00:01:16,905 --> 00:01:19,745 Foxy the fox, and Deery the deer 18 00:01:20,333 --> 00:01:22,624 Woodpeckery the woodpecker, Mousey the mouse, 19 00:01:23,025 --> 00:01:26,850 and Chickadee-y the chickadee, all made the forest their house. 20 00:01:27,823 --> 00:01:30,773 And on that magical day, stumbling upon all of that, 21 00:01:31,652 --> 00:01:35,868 was a surprised little boy, in a red poofball hat. 22 00:01:36,503 --> 00:01:37,432 What the hell? 23 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,863 Christmastime is once a year 24 00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:46,040 Every critter holds it dear 25 00:01:46,522 --> 00:01:50,188 Every animal big or small 26 00:01:50,602 --> 00:01:55,213 Christmas means so much to us all 27 00:01:57,340 --> 00:01:59,714 Well hello there. Welcome to our forest. 28 00:01:59,825 --> 00:02:01,129 How do you like our Christmas tree? 29 00:02:01,687 --> 00:02:02,739 It's... nice. 30 00:02:03,046 --> 00:02:05,346 Why, it's the most perfect tree in the forest! 31 00:02:07,625 --> 00:02:09,042 Oh no, I see a problem. 32 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,034 What is it, Mousey? 33 00:02:10,519 --> 00:02:12,614 Our Christmas tree doesn't have a star. 34 00:02:13,632 --> 00:02:14,726 Ohhhh 35 00:02:15,250 --> 00:02:17,488 We can't have a tree with no star on it. 36 00:02:17,977 --> 00:02:19,054 What are we gonna do? 37 00:02:19,364 --> 00:02:22,615 Now don't be down, y'all. Maybe our new friend can help us find a star. 38 00:02:23,203 --> 00:02:25,989 Can you really? Oh would you please? Could you help us? 39 00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:27,088 Okay, okay. 40 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:28,270 Yay!! 41 00:02:29,794 --> 00:02:32,822 And so, using some paper and working with glee, 42 00:02:33,158 --> 00:02:36,509 the boy in the red poofball hat made a star for the tree 43 00:02:38,115 --> 00:02:39,384 Ohhhh 44 00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:42,222 It's the nicest star I ever saw. 45 00:02:42,865 --> 00:02:45,787 The little critters cheered and Beavery said with a smile 46 00:02:46,235 --> 00:02:49,097 How would you like to sing and dance with us for a while? 47 00:02:49,963 --> 00:02:52,213 The boy in the red poofball hat smiled and said 48 00:02:52,702 --> 00:02:54,483 Uh, no thanks, I'm gonna go home. 49 00:02:57,150 --> 00:02:58,441 Goo, goodbye Stanny! 50 00:02:58,688 --> 00:03:00,060 Goodbye, Stanny! Bye! Cya! I'll buy your hat! 51 00:03:00,704 --> 00:03:01,273 Wugh. 52 00:03:12,615 --> 00:03:13,355 Hi, Stanny! 53 00:03:14,430 --> 00:03:15,201 Oh, whatta? 54 00:03:15,993 --> 00:03:18,554 His friends were all there! What a wonderful surprise! 55 00:03:18,928 --> 00:03:21,557 The little boy smiled with joy in his eyes 56 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:22,801 What time is it! 57 00:03:23,099 --> 00:03:26,323 You aren't gonna believe what happened, Stanny. It's the most magical Christmas gift ever! 58 00:03:26,690 --> 00:03:27,996 Porcupiney is pregnant! 59 00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:30,305 You guys, I have to go to school tomorrow. 60 00:03:30,609 --> 00:03:33,547 I deduce the man-boy doesn't understand the seriousness of the fertilization. 61 00:03:33,937 --> 00:03:37,180 Porcupiney is a virgin, Stanny. Her conception was immaculate. 62 00:03:37,622 --> 00:03:39,717 She's gonna give birth to our Lord and Savior. 63 00:03:40,859 --> 00:03:41,470 ...What? 64 00:03:41,998 --> 00:03:44,662 It has been foretold unto me that I would give birth on Christmas Day. 65 00:03:44,970 --> 00:03:45,504 So soon! 66 00:03:45,796 --> 00:03:46,512 How delightful! 67 00:03:46,719 --> 00:03:47,618 Our souls are saved! 68 00:03:47,885 --> 00:03:50,917 Finally the critters are gonna have a Savior of their very own, of their very own! 69 00:03:52,822 --> 00:03:56,567 There's just one problem: We don't have a manger for our Savior to be born in. 70 00:03:57,143 --> 00:03:58,272 Awwww. 71 00:03:59,115 --> 00:04:00,998 But we got to have a manger. 72 00:04:01,554 --> 00:04:03,091 Can you do it, Stan. Can you build us a manger? Huh? 73 00:04:07,707 --> 00:04:10,511 "Of course I'll build you a little manger!" the little boy cried, 74 00:04:10,805 --> 00:04:13,604 and he winked at his critter friends and leapt to their side! 75 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:18,512 And out in the woods the boy steamed right ahead, 76 00:04:19,057 --> 00:04:21,918 making a place for the critter babe to lay its sweet head 77 00:04:23,242 --> 00:04:25,507 Gee whiz, if it isn't the nicest manger I ever saw. 78 00:04:25,868 --> 00:04:29,718 I deduce it shall serve as a perfectly suitable resting place, for the Son of our Lord. 79 00:04:30,325 --> 00:04:32,271 Does this mean we can go to sleep now? 80 00:04:32,757 --> 00:04:35,341 My Son will have the nicest bed in all the forest. 81 00:04:35,868 --> 00:04:36,793 Fit for a king! 82 00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:39,278 This is going to be the best critter Christmas ever! 83 00:04:39,808 --> 00:04:41,045 It's almost time when the time is here, 84 00:04:41,285 --> 00:04:42,646 The time that's only once a year. 85 00:04:42,956 --> 00:04:44,312 We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near- 86 00:04:44,549 --> 00:04:45,321 All right, I'm going now 87 00:04:48,337 --> 00:04:49,753 The mountain lion! Hide! 88 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:54,892 Go away! Shoo! 89 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:03,386 Is it gone? 90 00:05:03,810 --> 00:05:04,963 I deduce it is. 91 00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:06,735 I'm not c-c-comin' out. 92 00:05:07,138 --> 00:05:10,639 Well, this is the end. The mountain lion obviously knows Porcupiney is pregnant, 93 00:05:10,964 --> 00:05:12,050 and he's gonna kill it again. 94 00:05:12,753 --> 00:05:13,223 Again? 95 00:05:13,937 --> 00:05:17,978 Every Christmas the mountain lion comes down and eats the virgin critter impregnated with the Son of our Lord. 96 00:05:18,482 --> 00:05:19,998 Oh dear, I'm so very afraid. 97 00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:24,360 Let's face it. The mountain lion will never let our Savior be born. 98 00:05:24,861 --> 00:05:26,175 Awwww. 99 00:05:27,158 --> 00:05:30,015 Hey, we shouldn't be upset this Christmas. We've got Stanny! 100 00:05:30,345 --> 00:05:34,318 Of course! Stanny can do anything! If he can build a manger, he can stop that mean ol' mountain lion! 101 00:05:35,090 --> 00:05:36,061 Christmas is saved! 102 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:42,092 High up in the forest on a dark, craggy peak, 103 00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:45,308 the horrid mountain lion lived and preyed on the weak. 104 00:05:46,037 --> 00:05:49,324 For the critters to be saved, someone had to stop that nasty old cat... 105 00:05:49,856 --> 00:05:51,215 Goddamnit, this is fucking ridiculous! 106 00:05:51,703 --> 00:05:53,955 Said the little boy in the red poofball hat. 107 00:05:55,667 --> 00:05:57,616 Killing the mountain lion was no easy task, 108 00:05:58,208 --> 00:06:00,711 but he thought of a plan, and he thought of it fast. 109 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,415 Grrr. Grrr! Come on out! 110 00:06:09,553 --> 00:06:12,839 Come on, critter killer! Your days of slaughtering innocent little animals are over! 111 00:06:13,099 --> 00:06:13,935 Rawrrrrr! 112 00:06:18,991 --> 00:06:19,605 Rawrrrrr! 113 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,394 In a flash it was over! A victorious blow! 114 00:06:35,647 --> 00:06:38,189 The mountain lion lay slain on the cold ground below. 115 00:06:41,926 --> 00:06:43,156 Hokay, there. 116 00:06:46,332 --> 00:06:48,266 Mommy? Mommy! 117 00:06:51,271 --> 00:06:53,953 W... wake up, Mommy, wake up! 118 00:06:54,441 --> 00:06:55,719 Don't leave us, Mommy. 119 00:06:59,277 --> 00:07:03,353 Man-boy, why? Why did you kill our mommy? Why? 120 00:07:06,185 --> 00:07:10,673 I... the... critters. Their... bir-birth of a Savior? 121 00:07:13,674 --> 00:07:16,311 The tiny cubs all gathered together and cried, 122 00:07:16,971 --> 00:07:19,614 All alone in the world because their mother had died. 123 00:07:20,355 --> 00:07:21,707 Aw. Awww! 124 00:07:27,661 --> 00:07:28,591 Oooo. 125 00:07:28,959 --> 00:07:30,634 You all right, Lady Porcupiney? 126 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,607 Oh yes, just felt a little kick is all. 127 00:07:33,055 --> 00:07:37,224 Well, it's been much too long now. Uh I'm afraid our helpful friend Stanny must be very dead. 128 00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,495 Yep, the mountain lion probably swallowed him whole. 129 00:07:39,995 --> 00:07:43,412 I guess that means our Savior is gonna be made into Savior stew. 130 00:07:43,983 --> 00:07:44,992 Awwww. 131 00:07:45,867 --> 00:07:47,035 Wait a minute, look! 132 00:07:49,742 --> 00:07:50,618 Stanny! 133 00:07:52,404 --> 00:07:53,470 Stanny, you're alive. 134 00:07:54,071 --> 00:07:56,602 But, does that mean you killed the mountain lion? 135 00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:58,261 It's dead. 136 00:07:58,881 --> 00:08:00,089 For real and for true? 137 00:08:00,374 --> 00:08:01,025 Are you sure? 138 00:08:01,755 --> 00:08:03,124 I'm sure. It won't be hurting you anymore. 139 00:08:04,044 --> 00:08:08,488 He did it! Now our critter Christmas can finally happen! Hail Satan! 140 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:09,929 Hail Satan! 141 00:08:10,747 --> 00:08:11,431 Wait, wha-what? 142 00:08:11,927 --> 00:08:13,709 You've done us a huge favor, Stanny! 143 00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:18,053 Without the mountain lion around, the Lady Porcupiney can give birth to the Antichrist! 144 00:08:18,134 --> 00:08:19,220 Yaaay Satan! 145 00:08:19,635 --> 00:08:21,955 Waiwait, the Antichrist?? You said she was giving birth to your savior! 146 00:08:22,332 --> 00:08:24,278 Yeah, to the Son of our Lord, Satan, Prince of Darkness. 147 00:08:24,610 --> 00:08:25,810 But I thought you meant the Son of God! 148 00:08:26,198 --> 00:08:28,741 Well, think about it: You really think God would have sex with a porcupine? 149 00:08:29,083 --> 00:08:32,072 No way! Only Satan, Prince of Darkness and King of all Evil would do that! 150 00:08:32,443 --> 00:08:32,986 Yay! 151 00:08:33,534 --> 00:08:36,438 This just calls for a celebration! Let's sacrifice Rabbity and eat his flesh! 152 00:08:36,964 --> 00:08:38,160 Yay! Sacrifice me to the Devil! 153 00:08:49,945 --> 00:08:51,043 Drink his blood! Drink his blood! 154 00:08:55,889 --> 00:08:56,630 Blood orgy!!! 155 00:08:57,653 --> 00:08:59,762 Yay, blood orgy! Blood orgy, yay! 156 00:09:05,721 --> 00:09:06,922 What special time and special day, 157 00:09:07,150 --> 00:09:08,453 It's Woodland Critter Christmas. 158 00:09:09,497 --> 00:09:10,182 Hail Satan. 159 00:09:10,940 --> 00:09:13,722 In the gentle forest clearing on Christmas Eve morn, 160 00:09:14,261 --> 00:09:17,636 The little forest critters prepared for the Antichrist to be born. 161 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:22,448 The noble mountain lion had stopped evil in all the years past, 162 00:09:22,842 --> 00:09:26,438 But now the good protector lay dead as the good owls amassed. 163 00:09:27,337 --> 00:09:29,856 And meanwhile three lion cubs were crying away. 164 00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:32,810 For them there would certainly be no Christmas Day, 165 00:09:33,922 --> 00:09:36,829 And soon the forest would suffer from the offspring Satan begat. 166 00:09:37,572 --> 00:09:41,603 All of this because of the little boy in the red poofball hat. 167 00:09:42,209 --> 00:09:42,735 Ugh. 168 00:09:43,524 --> 00:09:45,324 Now that he'd killed the noble lion queen, 169 00:09:45,688 --> 00:09:47,911 there was nobody to stop the Apocalypse, it seemed. 170 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:49,232 Uuugh! 171 00:09:49,874 --> 00:09:51,873 "I know!" he said with a new happy grin, 172 00:09:52,336 --> 00:09:55,694 "I'll go back to the forest and speak with those critters again!" 173 00:09:56,190 --> 00:09:57,213 No nonono. 174 00:09:58,517 --> 00:10:00,479 He ran out the living room, turned out the light, 175 00:10:00,788 --> 00:10:03,153 and went back to the forest to set everything right! 176 00:10:09,893 --> 00:10:12,998 ... and went back to the forest to set everything right! 177 00:10:16,687 --> 00:10:19,189 ... He tried to forget all about it by watching TV 178 00:10:19,489 --> 00:10:22,362 but his conscience caught up with him and to the forest he did flee. 179 00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:27,637 ... He thought he could hide from his problems - not true! 180 00:10:28,076 --> 00:10:29,789 He knew in his heart the thing he had to do! 181 00:10:30,592 --> 00:10:31,588 Leave me aLONE!! 182 00:10:32,226 --> 00:10:34,226 He knew that only by going to the forest could he- 183 00:10:34,464 --> 00:10:36,231 All right all right all right!! God!! 184 00:10:40,116 --> 00:10:42,808 Hey, look everyone! It's our old pal, Stanny. 185 00:10:44,437 --> 00:10:46,407 Oh boy, Stanny. You came just in time! 186 00:10:46,808 --> 00:10:48,715 Yeah. We've got a big problem. 187 00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:51,470 The Great Satan has commanded that when the Antichrist is born, 188 00:10:51,470 --> 00:10:53,888 we must find a human host body to transfer it into. 189 00:10:53,917 --> 00:10:56,200 That way he could take over the whole world. The whole world! 190 00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:59,675 The human must be non-baptized and heathenistic against Christ. 191 00:11:00,064 --> 00:11:02,006 We figured you'd be perfect! 192 00:11:02,469 --> 00:11:03,142 Yay! 193 00:11:03,449 --> 00:11:06,091 I'm not a heathen! I was baptized and my family's Christian! 194 00:11:06,743 --> 00:11:07,860 Awwwww. 195 00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:12,352 But we got to have a human host body for the Antichrist. 196 00:11:12,678 --> 00:11:15,862 Oh dear, maybe we won't have a critters C-Christmas after all. 197 00:11:16,246 --> 00:11:19,273 Now don't be down, y'all. Stanny can help us find non-baptized heathen human. 198 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:20,686 Will you really, Stanny? 199 00:11:20,901 --> 00:11:24,267 No!! I'm not doing you anymore favors and I'm not letting you give birth to the Antichrist! 200 00:11:24,597 --> 00:11:26,091 I came here to put a stop to all this! 201 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:27,777 To stop us? 202 00:11:28,139 --> 00:11:33,713 But gee whiz, Stan, if you try to stop us, we'd have to use our evil satanic powers on ya. 203 00:11:34,373 --> 00:11:35,208 Right, whatever. 204 00:11:35,426 --> 00:11:36,837 I'm taking down the manger I built. 205 00:11:40,959 --> 00:11:41,427 Ah! 206 00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:42,178 Aaaah!! 207 00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,018 Aagh! Aaaahh! 208 00:11:48,009 --> 00:11:51,111 AAAAAAAH!! AAAAAAAH!! 209 00:11:51,761 --> 00:11:54,447 Oh boy! Our satanic powers sure did the trick! 210 00:11:54,769 --> 00:11:57,134 Our powers get stronger every day, get stronger every day! 211 00:11:57,469 --> 00:12:00,108 Sorry Stanny, but you see, nothing can stop the birth of the Antichrist, 212 00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:01,416 except for a mountain lion. 213 00:12:01,713 --> 00:12:02,769 And you got rid o'her. 214 00:12:03,093 --> 00:12:03,838 Yay! 215 00:12:04,282 --> 00:12:07,368 The boy shook with anger! He broke a sweat and fell ill 216 00:12:07,662 --> 00:12:11,872 When he remembered there were three mountain cubs still alive on the hill! 217 00:12:12,858 --> 00:12:13,620 Oh yeah. 218 00:12:18,072 --> 00:12:21,565 Hello? Anybody in there? 219 00:12:23,349 --> 00:12:25,300 Oh no, it's the man-boy who killed Mommy! 220 00:12:25,755 --> 00:12:26,817 He's come to kill us now. 221 00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:29,915 It's okay. I died inside when Mommy was killed anyways. 222 00:12:30,481 --> 00:12:33,909 Yeah, better this than the slow death we'd face without a mother around. 223 00:12:34,647 --> 00:12:37,622 Look, I'm sorry I killed your mom. The, the squirrel told me she was evil. 224 00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:42,089 You got tricked by a squirrel? Gee, you're not too smart, are you, mister? 225 00:12:44,217 --> 00:12:48,532 I'm trying to make this all right again, but the only thing that can stop devil-worshiping critters is a mountain lion! 226 00:12:49,337 --> 00:12:50,458 Yeah, and you killed her. 227 00:12:51,109 --> 00:12:52,193 Well, you're mountain lions. 228 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,669 Us? No, we're just kids. We still have our baby teeth. 229 00:12:56,019 --> 00:12:57,091 And our baby claws. 230 00:12:57,513 --> 00:12:58,397 And a dead mom. 231 00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:02,958 There still has to be a way for you to kill the porcupine's baby. 232 00:13:04,588 --> 00:13:06,332 What? You mean like in an abortion? 233 00:13:07,081 --> 00:13:09,248 Yeah. An abortion. That can work. 234 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,438 But, we don't know how to give abortions. 235 00:13:11,998 --> 00:13:13,876 Do you know some place we can learn, mister? 236 00:13:15,325 --> 00:13:17,389 "Where can they learn that?" the boy said with a frown. 237 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,500 "I know! The abortion clinic just outside of town." 238 00:13:21,053 --> 00:13:21,522 What?! 239 00:13:21,942 --> 00:13:24,420 So he picked up the cubs and down the mountain he stormed. 240 00:13:24,701 --> 00:13:26,820 And took them to where abortions are performed. 241 00:13:27,486 --> 00:13:28,369 No, he didn't. 242 00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:29,409 Yes he did. 243 00:13:29,702 --> 00:13:30,685 No, he didn't! 244 00:13:31,026 --> 00:13:32,063 Yes he did. 245 00:13:32,453 --> 00:13:33,385 No, he didn't!! 246 00:13:33,763 --> 00:13:34,844 Yes he 247 00:13:35,747 --> 00:13:36,378 did! 248 00:13:36,798 --> 00:13:37,795 Aw Goddamnit! 249 00:13:38,241 --> 00:13:42,398 Said the boy in the red poofball hat! "We've made it already, little cubs! Fancy that!" 250 00:13:43,287 --> 00:13:45,296 Excuse me, what are you doing here?! 251 00:13:45,728 --> 00:13:47,200 The abortion doctor inquired. 252 00:13:47,552 --> 00:13:50,051 If you wanna be in the OR, a pass is required! 253 00:13:50,486 --> 00:13:54,016 I don't know, I, I'm supposed to show these mountain lions how an abortion is performed or something, 254 00:13:54,264 --> 00:13:55,696 I... I know, it'd ridiculous. 255 00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:58,189 Well, you're in luck, I'm happy to inform! 256 00:13:58,488 --> 00:14:01,778 It's only three days until Christmas, so I have LOTS of abortions to perform! 257 00:14:02,122 --> 00:14:04,320 Gather around my table, cute little lions, 258 00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:06,903 I'll teach you to do abortions without even tryin'! 259 00:14:07,277 --> 00:14:09,745 And so the little boy and the cubs gathered around the chair base, 260 00:14:10,053 --> 00:14:13,435 And all day watched abortion after abortion take place. 261 00:14:16,585 --> 00:14:19,784 Christmas time is once a year. 262 00:14:20,275 --> 00:14:23,940 Every critter holds it dear. 263 00:14:24,347 --> 00:14:27,902 Every animal big or small, 264 00:14:28,352 --> 00:14:31,651 Christmas means so much to us all. 265 00:14:31,926 --> 00:14:35,117 It's once a year, it's Christmastime! 266 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:39,250 And it happens once a year. 267 00:14:39,577 --> 00:14:42,697 It's once a year, it's Christmastime! 268 00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:47,203 When we hear about how Christmas only comes 269 00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:49,539 Once a year. 270 00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,833 This better have a point, dude. This really better have a point. 271 00:14:52,493 --> 00:14:53,955 It's almost time when the time is here, 272 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,781 The time that's only once a year. 273 00:14:56,336 --> 00:14:59,633 Oh look. That little feller is all alone. 274 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,901 Gee, he looks sad. 275 00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:04,888 Hi there! 276 00:15:06,752 --> 00:15:07,624 What the hell? 277 00:15:08,082 --> 00:15:10,680 How come you're all alone on Christmas Eve. 278 00:15:10,971 --> 00:15:13,376 My... family doesn't celebrate Christmas. 279 00:15:13,842 --> 00:15:14,987 Aww, but why? 280 00:15:15,426 --> 00:15:18,284 Well, because, we don't really ...believe in Jesus. 281 00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:20,458 Yay! 282 00:15:21,917 --> 00:15:24,488 But does that mean you aren't baptized? 283 00:15:24,899 --> 00:15:25,885 No. I'm Jewish. 284 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,807 Yay! Yay! 285 00:15:29,176 --> 00:15:30,361 You've got to come with us! 286 00:15:30,724 --> 00:15:32,467 You're perfect! Just pu-perfect! 287 00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:33,161 Huh? 288 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,063 Yay! Woohoo! Woohoohoo! 289 00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:38,243 What special time and special day, 290 00:15:38,476 --> 00:15:39,832 It's Woodland Critter Christmas. 291 00:15:40,322 --> 00:15:41,194 Hail Satan. 292 00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:45,615 Twas the night before Christmas, and above the woods, way up high, 293 00:15:46,116 --> 00:15:49,457 a new bright shiny star hung in the sky. 294 00:15:49,875 --> 00:15:52,234 For the world to be saved there was only one shot. 295 00:15:52,806 --> 00:15:55,905 A little boy with three cubs, and an abortion plot. 296 00:15:56,712 --> 00:16:00,676 Okay, come on, the critters are over this way. You mountain lions ready to stop the Antichrist from being born? 297 00:16:01,064 --> 00:16:02,762 Sure. We know how to give abortions now. 298 00:16:03,241 --> 00:16:05,335 He arrived at the critter forest ready to fight, 299 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:09,572 but then gasped when he saw a most dreadful sight. 300 00:16:13,568 --> 00:16:14,882 Guys, we did it! 301 00:16:15,232 --> 00:16:18,153 The critter Antichrist is born, bringin' a thousand years of darkness to the forest. 302 00:16:22,209 --> 00:16:25,497 The Antichrist had been born, sealing the world's fate. 303 00:16:26,081 --> 00:16:29,594 The boy in the red poofball hat... was too late. 304 00:16:30,146 --> 00:16:31,940 Too late? The hell is that?? 305 00:16:32,564 --> 00:16:33,727 Oh. Hiya, Stanny! 306 00:16:34,190 --> 00:16:36,123 Stan! Stan, what the hell is going on?! 307 00:16:36,635 --> 00:16:38,370 It's Critter Christmas, dude! It sucks ass! 308 00:16:39,463 --> 00:16:42,386 Now all we have to do is put the Antichrist into our human host. 309 00:16:42,470 --> 00:16:43,966 Let's go! All right! Woohoo! 310 00:16:44,591 --> 00:16:47,947 That's it?! Ten thousand years of darkness and I don't even have a Merry Christmas? 311 00:16:48,830 --> 00:16:54,720 When up in the sky the sound of sleigh bells were heard And a jolly red sleigh flew down to the earth like a bird! 312 00:16:55,424 --> 00:16:57,378 Wwow, look, there's Santa Claus! 313 00:16:57,693 --> 00:16:58,951 Yay! 314 00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:01,259 Let's eat his flesh! 315 00:17:03,124 --> 00:17:08,558 All right, what the hell is going on?! Why is there a red star glowing in the sky? 316 00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:12,842 We finally did it, Santa! We brought forth the Antichrist with help from our good friend, 317 00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:13,584 Stanny. 318 00:17:14,024 --> 00:17:15,823 Death and pain await all living things. 319 00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:18,817 LIttle boy, you should be ashamed! 320 00:17:19,016 --> 00:17:20,865 I mean, I didn't mean to help them, I I tried to stop them! 321 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:26,121 Well good going, stupid! There's only one way to stop devil-worshiping critters! 322 00:17:28,877 --> 00:17:29,747 Aaaaah! 323 00:17:32,030 --> 00:17:32,982 Dude, what the? 324 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,112 Hold steady, Santa. 325 00:17:38,973 --> 00:17:39,800 Come on, dude. 326 00:17:43,725 --> 00:17:46,911 Gee whiz, Santa, you're not gonna kill me, are you- 327 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,957 But Santa, what do we do about the Antichrist? 328 00:17:52,557 --> 00:17:58,195 Don't worry, boys. The Antichrist cannot survive without a human host body to go into. 329 00:17:58,547 --> 00:17:59,018 No. 330 00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,411 No, I want to have the Antichrist inside me! 331 00:18:01,792 --> 00:18:02,507 What? Kyle?? 332 00:18:03,348 --> 00:18:06,338 With his power, I can finally make the earth a better place for the Jews! 333 00:18:06,790 --> 00:18:07,982 Don't do it, Kyle! 334 00:18:14,072 --> 00:18:14,573 Dude!! 335 00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:19,205 Yes, yes!! Now the Jews will take control of Christmas once and for all! 336 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:20,299 HAHA! HAAA!! 337 00:18:20,876 --> 00:18:21,827 Oh, stop it, Cartman! 338 00:18:22,350 --> 00:18:25,830 Just stop it! That's enough! You aren't reading another sentence of your stupid story! 339 00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:30,803 I don't believe anyone interrupted YOU when you read your Christmas story aloud, 340 00:18:30,963 --> 00:18:31,289 Kyle. 341 00:18:31,463 --> 00:18:35,301 This whole time your stupid story was just a way to rip on me for being Jewish at Christmas again! 342 00:18:35,689 --> 00:18:36,948 Mr. Garrison, could you do something, please? 343 00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:42,288 Sorry, Eric, but if Kyle feels discriminated against, you'll have to stop or else I'll get a call from his mother. 344 00:18:42,756 --> 00:18:43,860 All right, fine! Forget it! 345 00:18:46,027 --> 00:18:47,905 Wwell but, but what happened? 346 00:18:48,447 --> 00:18:50,485 Yeah. Did Kyle bring a thousand years of darkness or not? 347 00:18:50,792 --> 00:18:51,977 What happens to the lion cubs? 348 00:18:52,356 --> 00:18:55,077 Well, I guess we'll never know, because Kyle doesn't wanna hear how it ends. 349 00:18:55,365 --> 00:18:57,946 No, it all worked out, right? The world was saved and I went home for Christmas dinner. 350 00:18:58,329 --> 00:18:59,689 Dude, why do you care?! 351 00:19:00,025 --> 00:19:03,286 Well after all that I at least wanna know if I had a merry Christmas or if darkness rules the earth. 352 00:19:03,626 --> 00:19:08,238 Oh come on! It's obvious what happens! I get killed by Santa Claus so that Christmas is saved! 353 00:19:08,708 --> 00:19:09,913 That's not at all what happens. 354 00:19:10,269 --> 00:19:12,064 Aw well, come on. Let him read us the end. 355 00:19:12,338 --> 00:19:13,267 Yeah yeah, come on! 356 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:16,264 All right, fine! 357 00:19:25,753 --> 00:19:30,161 "Oh dear, my best friend is possessed! How about that? " said the little boy in the red poofball hat. 358 00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:33,361 HAHAHAA!! Now I shall rule the- 359 00:19:33,946 --> 00:19:41,210 Aww. Uuugh. God it burns! AAAH! My soul is on fire! Whoa. Oh, I don't like this! 360 00:19:41,766 --> 00:19:44,290 I didn't know it would feel so... dark and evil! 361 00:19:44,628 --> 00:19:46,620 Well what did you expect, dude? It's the son of the Devil. 362 00:19:46,998 --> 00:19:47,915 Oh God, what have I done?? 363 00:19:48,512 --> 00:19:51,530 I'm sorry. Please, I don't wanna be the vessel for the Antichrist. 364 00:19:52,031 --> 00:19:56,300 I'm sorry, but it's too late, Kyle! Santa's gonna have to kill you! 365 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:57,529 No Santa, don't! 366 00:19:57,801 --> 00:20:02,777 We don't have a choice. In a few hours, the dark creature inside him will consume his soul. 367 00:20:03,518 --> 00:20:06,196 The little boy fretted. He almost started to bawl 368 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,320 But that's when he came up with the best idea of all. 369 00:20:10,939 --> 00:20:11,658 The lion cubs! 370 00:20:12,074 --> 00:20:13,469 The little boy quickly begun, 371 00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:15,433 I took them to see how abortions are done. 372 00:20:16,055 --> 00:20:16,601 What?? 373 00:20:17,001 --> 00:20:18,949 Now cubs, do like they showed you. Hurry up fast! 374 00:20:19,349 --> 00:20:21,081 Get the Antichrist out of my friend Kyle's ass! 375 00:20:24,103 --> 00:20:27,413 And in the twinkling starlight, each little cub did their portion. 376 00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:31,018 They remember all they had learned and gave Kyle an abortion. 377 00:20:46,206 --> 00:20:48,192 Thanks, everybody. I I'm sorry I got a little crazy there. 378 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,307 Well little boy, it seems that YOU 379 00:20:50,535 --> 00:20:54,728 have really been through a lot. Is there any special present you would like this year? 380 00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:57,069 Yeah. Yeah, there is. 381 00:21:05,173 --> 00:21:07,271 Weh, ah my, what happened? 382 00:21:07,662 --> 00:21:08,291 Mommy? 383 00:21:08,776 --> 00:21:10,981 Yay! You're back! We missed you, Mommy! 384 00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:12,428 Ogh, good. 385 00:21:12,968 --> 00:21:16,465 And back home, there were presents, and lots of food to get fat. 386 00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:22,158 And it was the best Christmas ever for the boy in the red poofball hat. 387 00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:29,901 And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Kyle, who died of AIDS two weeks later. 388 00:21:31,059 --> 00:21:31,704 The End 389 00:21:31,931 --> 00:21:32,729 Goddamnit Cartman! 390 00:21:32,740 --> 00:21:36,213 Christmastime is once a year 391 00:21:36,619 --> 00:21:40,249 Every creature holds it dear 392 00:21:40,588 --> 00:21:44,101 Every animal big or small 393 00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:48,096 Christmas means the world to us all 394 00:21:48,153 --> 00:21:51,962 It's once a year, it's Christmastime 395 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:59,822 When we hear about how Christmas only comes Once a year.