1
00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:05,137
[Surf rock music]

2
00:00:05,223 --> 00:00:08,092
So when you're with a girl,
what's your favorite boob move?

3
00:00:08,093 --> 00:00:11,061
Oh, I like to do
the "combination lock."

4
00:00:11,062 --> 00:00:13,197
Right, left, right...

5
00:00:13,198 --> 00:00:14,264
And pull.

6
00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,332
[Laughs]

7
00:00:15,333 --> 00:00:16,767
I'm partial to the "pizza man,"

8
00:00:16,768 --> 00:00:19,770
where I lightly knead them
like dough and sauce them.

9
00:00:19,771 --> 00:00:20,838
[Laughs]

10
00:00:20,839 --> 00:00:22,339
Another one
of my signature moves

11
00:00:22,340 --> 00:00:24,741
is "putting out the candle."
[Blows]

12
00:00:24,742 --> 00:00:26,043
[Laughs]

13
00:00:26,044 --> 00:00:28,112
And when the ladies want
something more romantic,

14
00:00:28,113 --> 00:00:30,180
I break out
the "playful kitten".

15
00:00:30,181 --> 00:00:32,282
[Purrs like a cat]

16
00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:33,984
[Chuckles]

17
00:00:33,985 --> 00:00:35,886
Sometimes, when I'm
with european girls,

18
00:00:35,887 --> 00:00:40,357
I like to give them
"the german cigarette."

19
00:00:40,358 --> 00:00:41,425
[With German accent]
"Ve have vays

20
00:00:41,426 --> 00:00:44,261
of making you talk."

21
00:00:44,262 --> 00:00:46,096
That's the schindler's tits.

22
00:00:46,097 --> 00:00:47,831
Those sound like some
righteous moves

23
00:00:47,832 --> 00:00:50,734
for a couple of mclovins that
have never actually seen a pair.

24
00:00:50,735 --> 00:00:52,803
[Chuckles]
Yeah, but don't forget.

25
00:00:52,804 --> 00:00:56,106
There's a human being
attached to those breasts.

26
00:00:56,107 --> 00:00:59,209
And that human being
is loco in the cabeza,

27
00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:00,744
'cause she'll steal your money,

28
00:01:00,745 --> 00:01:02,346
rip your heart out,

29
00:01:02,347 --> 00:01:05,916
and take those cans
to a time-share in lake Havasu.

30
00:01:05,917 --> 00:01:10,420
[Sobbing]
Sadie!

31
00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:13,423
[Rock music]

32
00:01:13,424 --> 00:01:15,024
♪ ♪

33
00:01:15,049 --> 00:01:20,349
<font color="#3399CC">Synch and correct by MemoryOnSmells
www.addic7ed.com</font>

34
00:01:35,947 --> 00:01:37,447
We learn more in this cafeteria

35
00:01:37,448 --> 00:01:39,049
from social interactions

36
00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:41,485
than we do in any useless
brainwashing class.

37
00:01:41,486 --> 00:01:42,920
Ignore the bell, people.

38
00:01:42,921 --> 00:01:44,955
Do not let it control you.

39
00:01:44,956 --> 00:01:45,989
[Bell rings]

40
00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:48,258
You are all cogs
in the machine!

41
00:01:48,259 --> 00:01:50,427
[Gulps]

44
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,302
[Groovy music]

45
00:01:58,303 --> 00:02:00,003
[Giggles]
Stop, it tickles.

46
00:02:00,004 --> 00:02:01,004
[Shudders]

47
00:02:01,005 --> 00:02:02,005
Hi, guys.

48
00:02:02,006 --> 00:02:03,073
Hey, Jeena.

49
00:02:03,074 --> 00:02:04,441
Did you try
the corn dogs today?

50
00:02:04,442 --> 00:02:06,176
They're the best things
I've ever put in my mouth.

51
00:02:06,177 --> 00:02:07,377
I mean, of the things
I've eaten.

52
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:08,979
I don't just put things
in my mouth.

53
00:02:08,980 --> 00:02:10,280
Like, if somebody puts
something in my mouth

54
00:02:10,281 --> 00:02:11,748
that wasn't food,
I'd spit it out.

55
00:02:11,749 --> 00:02:13,016
Not that I'm a spitter...

56
00:02:13,017 --> 00:02:14,418
Well, I'm not a swallower,
either, I just...

57
00:02:14,419 --> 00:02:17,321
[Sighs]
Did you say you tried the corn dogs?

58
00:02:17,322 --> 00:02:20,924
No, I just choked down
a sausage.

59
00:02:20,925 --> 00:02:23,293
[Laughter]

60
00:02:23,294 --> 00:02:24,861
[Giggling]

61
00:02:24,862 --> 00:02:27,631
Well, I better go
talk him down.

62
00:02:27,632 --> 00:02:30,400
I'm in charge this weekend since
our parents are out of town.

63
00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:33,170
Stop washing yourself
in the drinking fountain.

64
00:02:33,171 --> 00:02:35,205
I will when they
install a bidet.

65
00:02:35,206 --> 00:02:36,473
[Whispering]
Dude, did you hear that?

66
00:02:36,474 --> 00:02:39,042
All of my virginity-losing
fantasies start with,

67
00:02:39,043 --> 00:02:41,445
"my parents are out of town,"
and end with,

68
00:02:41,446 --> 00:02:43,380
Mondo, you're the best lover
I've ever had."

69
00:02:43,381 --> 00:02:44,548
Here's a sandwich."

70
00:02:44,549 --> 00:02:46,350
I've got to get
into that house.

71
00:02:46,351 --> 00:02:48,118
Too bad you're not
from planet Wadska.

72
00:02:48,119 --> 00:02:49,353
He spends every night with her.

73
00:02:49,354 --> 00:02:51,588
That's it.
Wadska's the key.

74
00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:55,959
Oh, if your nose weren't
so phallic, I'd kiss you.

75
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,762
[Electrical buzzing]

76
00:02:58,763 --> 00:03:01,698
Hey, Wadska.
Is that a time machine?

77
00:03:01,699 --> 00:03:03,600
[Machine beeping]

78
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,235
[Explosion]

79
00:03:05,236 --> 00:03:06,503
Nope.

80
00:03:06,504 --> 00:03:09,206
Anyway, Woodie and I were
talking, and we realized

81
00:03:09,207 --> 00:03:11,441
we hardly ever hang out
with you outside of school.

82
00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:13,577
We thought it would be awesome
to have a sleepover.

83
00:03:13,578 --> 00:03:15,412
Unfortunately,
my house is being,

84
00:03:15,413 --> 00:03:18,515
uh, bug-bombed
and Woodie's house is...

85
00:03:18,516 --> 00:03:21,585
- Oh, it's on fire.
- It's on horrible fire.

86
00:03:21,586 --> 00:03:24,688
So, I'm not sure
where we can have it.

87
00:03:24,689 --> 00:03:27,858
[Laughs]
I see exactly where this is going.

88
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:28,859
You do?

89
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:29,993
The sad, fat, little new kid

90
00:03:29,994 --> 00:03:31,194
wants to sleep over at my house

91
00:03:31,195 --> 00:03:33,230
and gain some
popularity points!

92
00:03:33,231 --> 00:03:34,231
Well, you're in luck!

93
00:03:34,232 --> 00:03:36,133
My parents are away
for the weekend.

94
00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:37,301
Really?

95
00:03:37,302 --> 00:03:40,237
Yes, we can do whatever
we want to do.

96
00:03:40,238 --> 00:03:42,439
Unspeakable things.

97
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:43,807
Sounds perfect.

98
00:03:43,808 --> 00:03:45,809
- And a little creepy.
- Excellent.

99
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:47,477
Then it's
a three-way-sleep-date.

100
00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:48,912
Or we can call it
something else.

101
00:03:48,913 --> 00:03:49,913
Oh, fine.

102
00:03:49,914 --> 00:03:53,083
Then a three-man fun-gasm
it is!

103
00:03:53,084 --> 00:03:54,918
See you later, genitals!

104
00:03:54,919 --> 00:03:56,253
For the record,

105
00:03:56,254 --> 00:03:58,455
I have not agreed
to participate in any sleepover.

106
00:03:58,456 --> 00:04:00,090
Dude, I need you
to occupy Wadska

107
00:04:00,091 --> 00:04:01,558
so I can hang out with Jeena.

108
00:04:01,559 --> 00:04:04,428
Fine, I will be your wingman
on two conditions:

109
00:04:04,429 --> 00:04:07,264
One, you have to wax
my board for a month.

110
00:04:07,265 --> 00:04:09,933
And two, I get to feel
your chesticles.

111
00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:11,335
It may be as close
as I'm going to get

112
00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:13,036
to a girl for a while
and I want to try out

113
00:04:13,037 --> 00:04:14,438
some new moves
I've been working on.

114
00:04:14,439 --> 00:04:16,139
All right, fine.

115
00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:17,674
Pleasure doing business
with you.

116
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,343
Slut.

117
00:04:19,344 --> 00:04:22,779
Aren't you excited?
First sleepover in the new town?

118
00:04:22,780 --> 00:04:24,281
It's not that
big of a deal, mom.

119
00:04:24,282 --> 00:04:25,482
It's just Wadska's.

120
00:04:25,483 --> 00:04:27,317
Of course it is,
my little cherub.

121
00:04:27,318 --> 00:04:28,452
Good luck.
[Chuckles]

122
00:04:28,453 --> 00:04:30,921
With Jeena.

123
00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:34,324
Sweet evening, babs.
You're looking foxy as always.

124
00:04:34,325 --> 00:04:35,792
Oh, hi, Ms. Teets.

125
00:04:35,793 --> 00:04:38,195
We're not in school, sweetie.
Call me Voneeta.

126
00:04:38,196 --> 00:04:39,529
Okay, Voneeta.

127
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:41,665
I'll have your rent check
first thing on Monday.

128
00:04:41,666 --> 00:04:44,267
Thanks again for giving us
such a reasonable price

129
00:04:44,268 --> 00:04:45,469
on such a nice place.

130
00:04:45,470 --> 00:04:46,803
Oh, hush your suckhole,
sweetie.

131
00:04:46,804 --> 00:04:49,106
Us young, attractive,
sexually progressive women

132
00:04:49,107 --> 00:04:50,340
have to look out
for each other.

133
00:04:50,341 --> 00:04:51,842
All right.
Well, ta-ta.

134
00:04:51,843 --> 00:04:53,076
Better let you go

135
00:04:53,077 --> 00:04:54,811
and get your freak-end
started, sister-girl.

136
00:04:54,812 --> 00:04:56,346
I'm actually
staying in tonight.

137
00:04:56,347 --> 00:04:57,681
That's surprising.

138
00:04:57,682 --> 00:04:59,282
You've gone out the last
four Fridays in a row.

139
00:04:59,283 --> 00:05:01,318
Three in that little
low-cut black dress.

140
00:05:01,319 --> 00:05:03,019
I'm guessing.

141
00:05:03,020 --> 00:05:04,354
Yeah, I'm taking the night off.

142
00:05:04,355 --> 00:05:05,756
You know, with Mondo gone,

143
00:05:05,757 --> 00:05:08,024
I actually have a fighting
chance of cleaning this place.

144
00:05:08,025 --> 00:05:09,693
Must be nice to have choices.

145
00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:11,495
For me, Friday night means
reruns of <i>Wife Swap</i>

146
00:05:11,496 --> 00:05:13,130
and a lean pocket.

147
00:05:13,131 --> 00:05:15,399
I don't even bother
defrosting them anymore.

148
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,100
After that, I call
the community college

149
00:05:17,101 --> 00:05:19,469
radio station and dedicate
a Carrie Underwood song

150
00:05:19,470 --> 00:05:22,139
to myself, just to pretend
there's someone out there

151
00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:23,607
who cares about me.

152
00:05:23,608 --> 00:05:26,877
Then I cry into my pillow,
pass out, and if I'm lucky,

153
00:05:26,878 --> 00:05:29,012
I wake up, and it's Monday.

154
00:05:29,013 --> 00:05:30,947
So anyhoo...

155
00:05:30,948 --> 00:05:33,083
Wait.
You know what, Voneeta?

156
00:05:33,084 --> 00:05:35,652
Why don't we have
a girls' night out?

157
00:05:35,653 --> 00:05:37,154
- Really?
- Yeah.

158
00:05:37,155 --> 00:05:39,689
We'll be like a couple of
<i>Sex in The City</i> girls.

159
00:05:39,690 --> 00:05:40,791
Okay, I'll go.

160
00:05:40,792 --> 00:05:42,659
Everyone says
I'm just like Samantha,

161
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:43,927
but without that mannish voice.

162
00:05:43,928 --> 00:05:45,128
Hmm, right.

163
00:05:45,129 --> 00:05:47,664
Oh, fantastic,
I'll wear my "do me" muumuu.

164
00:05:47,665 --> 00:05:48,899
Great.
I wonder what I should wear.

165
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:50,200
The low-cut black dress!

166
00:05:50,201 --> 00:05:52,636
Or something else.
It's all really the same to me.

167
00:05:52,637 --> 00:05:54,137
But wear it.

168
00:05:54,138 --> 00:05:56,406
I can't believe we're about
to enter Jeena's house.

169
00:05:56,407 --> 00:05:59,075
She sleeps here.
She showers naked here.

170
00:05:59,076 --> 00:06:00,076
She also poops here.

171
00:06:00,077 --> 00:06:01,111
I know!

172
00:06:01,112 --> 00:06:02,179
[Doorbell rings]

173
00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:03,180
[Door creaks open]

174
00:06:03,181 --> 00:06:05,749
[Sinister laughter]

175
00:06:05,750 --> 00:06:08,285
Welcome, best friends
from school.

176
00:06:08,286 --> 00:06:09,419
[Door slams shut]

177
00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:13,423
That was the wind.
[Laughs wickedly]

178
00:06:13,424 --> 00:06:14,658
I'll be with you in a minute.

179
00:06:14,659 --> 00:06:16,026
Make yourself at home.

180
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:17,494
We have premium cable

181
00:06:17,495 --> 00:06:20,597
and various
heterosexual magazines.

182
00:06:20,598 --> 00:06:22,632
[Evilly laughs]

183
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,602
[Upbeat music]

184
00:06:25,603 --> 00:06:28,438
[Dove coos]

185
00:06:28,439 --> 00:06:29,539
Nailed it!

186
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:31,341
Now that the bird
has died in vain,

187
00:06:31,342 --> 00:06:34,878
we can commence the greatest
sleepover of your lives.

188
00:06:34,879 --> 00:06:36,780
You got to admit,
he really commits.

189
00:06:36,781 --> 00:06:39,983
We have a lot to do.
Follow me.

190
00:06:39,984 --> 00:06:43,653
Welcome to my bedroom, aka,
Mr. Magorium's masturbatorium.

191
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:46,089
I just realized I'm not sleepy.

192
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:47,290
I should tell you I lost track

193
00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:49,192
of my baby rattlesnake
a few weeks ago.

194
00:06:49,193 --> 00:06:50,160
I'm pretty sure
he's dead by now,

195
00:06:50,161 --> 00:06:51,495
but if not, no worries.

196
00:06:51,496 --> 00:06:52,996
You'll have three hours
before your nervous system

197
00:06:52,997 --> 00:06:55,832
completely shuts down.

198
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:59,169
Now, here are your
best friend walkie-talkies.

199
00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:00,804
Please only use these
in case of emergency

200
00:07:00,805 --> 00:07:02,839
or if you don't know
what room someone is in.

201
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,942
Tonight, I'm going
to blow you both...

202
00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:06,943
Let me finish...

203
00:07:06,944 --> 00:07:08,578
Away!

204
00:07:08,579 --> 00:07:11,448
I have created a schedule
of activities to maximize

205
00:07:11,449 --> 00:07:13,850
man-on-man-on-man joy

206
00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:16,486
and raise our best-friendship
to another level.

207
00:07:16,487 --> 00:07:18,455
What's "chipmunking"?

208
00:07:18,456 --> 00:07:19,623
Patience.

209
00:07:19,624 --> 00:07:21,625
You will find out
at closing ceremonies,

210
00:07:21,626 --> 00:07:23,126
if you can last that long.

211
00:07:23,127 --> 00:07:24,494
I will be right back.

212
00:07:24,495 --> 00:07:27,464
I'm going to slip
into something more powerful.

213
00:07:27,465 --> 00:07:28,932
- What's in that room?
- Just a closet.

214
00:07:28,933 --> 00:07:29,966
[Door slams shut]

215
00:07:29,967 --> 00:07:32,569
[Locks clicking]

216
00:07:32,570 --> 00:07:34,337
Look, we made his hero wall.

217
00:07:34,338 --> 00:07:36,506
[Suspenseful music]

218
00:07:36,507 --> 00:07:37,707
This isn't a hero wall.

219
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,042
It's a hit list.

220
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:40,810
Wadska is the messenger
of death,

221
00:07:40,811 --> 00:07:42,178
and we're next.

222
00:07:42,179 --> 00:07:44,948
[On walkie-talkie]
I'm coming out of the closet.

223
00:07:44,949 --> 00:07:47,717
Ladies and gentle-ladies,

224
00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:50,153
it is time for our first
activity:

225
00:07:50,154 --> 00:07:51,955
Pandora paintball!

226
00:07:51,956 --> 00:07:53,790
But I only have
one Avatar AMP suit

227
00:07:53,791 --> 00:07:55,158
and one paintball gun.

228
00:07:55,159 --> 00:07:58,028
So I will be the hunter
and you will be my Na'vi prey.

229
00:07:58,029 --> 00:07:59,329
Run!
[Paintball gunshots]

230
00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:01,831
[Rapid gunfire]

231
00:08:01,832 --> 00:08:05,902
♪ Into a circle was no life ♪

232
00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:11,474
♪ I defy ♪

233
00:08:11,475 --> 00:08:15,645
Both: ♪ Let the rain fall down
and wake my dreams ♪

234
00:08:15,646 --> 00:08:19,683
♪ Let it wash away my sanity ♪

235
00:08:19,684 --> 00:08:22,252
♪ 'Cause I wanna
feel the thunder ♪

236
00:08:22,253 --> 00:08:23,420
♪ I wanna scream ♪

237
00:08:23,421 --> 00:08:24,521
- Mondo?
- [Screams]

238
00:08:24,522 --> 00:08:25,655
What are you doing in here?

239
00:08:25,656 --> 00:08:27,057
This is my bedroom.
[Clears throat]

240
00:08:27,058 --> 00:08:29,359
Sorry, I was just looking
for a place to hide.

241
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,861
Wadska's running around
with a gun, hunting us.

242
00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:33,530
You should probably take cover.

243
00:08:33,531 --> 00:08:34,631
[Laughs]
I'll be safe.

244
00:08:34,632 --> 00:08:35,865
He loves his sister.

245
00:08:35,866 --> 00:08:37,400
[Gun clicks]
And he don't want to get got.

246
00:08:37,401 --> 00:08:41,237
[Laughs]

247
00:08:41,238 --> 00:08:43,306
So what are you up to tonight?

248
00:08:43,307 --> 00:08:45,008
I have a lot of studying to do.

249
00:08:45,009 --> 00:08:47,077
Well, if you need
help with anything,

250
00:08:47,078 --> 00:08:48,745
I can take a break
from the sleepover...

251
00:08:48,746 --> 00:08:49,746
[Doorbell rings]

252
00:08:49,747 --> 00:08:50,747
Would you mind answering that?

253
00:08:50,748 --> 00:08:52,382
Surely.

254
00:08:52,383 --> 00:08:55,385
Hey, babe.
How's this for romance?

255
00:08:55,386 --> 00:08:56,386
[Screams]

256
00:08:56,387 --> 00:08:58,321
Why do you have
a rose in your ass?

257
00:08:58,322 --> 00:08:59,456
Ow!

258
00:08:59,457 --> 00:09:01,825
Why are you staring
at my ass, Prop 8?

259
00:09:01,826 --> 00:09:03,059
And what are you doing here?

260
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,227
Um, um...

261
00:09:04,228 --> 00:09:06,630
Having a sleepover with Wadska.

262
00:09:06,631 --> 00:09:09,399
[Chuckles]
That sounds super awesome,

263
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,501
if "awesome" meant "gay,"

264
00:09:11,502 --> 00:09:14,204
and "super" meant...
"Super."

265
00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:15,805
Where's Jeena?

266
00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,007
Oh, you're not going to want

267
00:09:17,008 --> 00:09:18,308
to hang out with her, tonight.

268
00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:21,044
She caught a terrible...

269
00:09:21,045 --> 00:09:22,946
Period.

270
00:09:22,947 --> 00:09:24,080
[Sniffs]

271
00:09:24,081 --> 00:09:26,116
Nice try, chode.
That's paint.

272
00:09:26,117 --> 00:09:27,417
I'll show you some blood.

273
00:09:27,418 --> 00:09:29,285
It's your face's
time of the month.

274
00:09:29,286 --> 00:09:30,854
Oh, is that for me?

275
00:09:30,855 --> 00:09:32,122
That's sweet.

276
00:09:32,123 --> 00:09:33,623
The first rose you've given me

277
00:09:33,624 --> 00:09:35,058
that didn't come out
of your ass.

278
00:09:35,059 --> 00:09:39,562
But don't forget,
this is a study date.

279
00:09:39,563 --> 00:09:42,599
Suck it.

280
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,134
[Laughing]

281
00:09:44,135 --> 00:09:46,269
Target destroyed.

282
00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:47,470
I found another gun.

283
00:09:47,471 --> 00:09:49,673
[Giggles]
Sorry.

284
00:09:51,308 --> 00:09:54,778
[Strumming ukulele]

285
00:09:54,779 --> 00:09:57,047
Damn, not a lot
of sex options up in here.

286
00:09:57,048 --> 00:09:58,281
What about Lonnie?

287
00:09:58,282 --> 00:09:59,649
I had that fool.

288
00:09:59,650 --> 00:10:01,918
But he wasn't quite, you know,
man enough for me.

289
00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:03,620
Well, that doesn't
look very small.

290
00:10:03,621 --> 00:10:05,355
Oh, my arms only go this close.

291
00:10:05,356 --> 00:10:06,623
Haven't clapped in years.

292
00:10:06,624 --> 00:10:09,059
Pupu platter for six?

293
00:10:09,060 --> 00:10:10,593
I said for eight.
What the eff?

294
00:10:10,594 --> 00:10:12,595
But I guess
this will have to do.

295
00:10:12,596 --> 00:10:15,398
Alas, I'm probably always
gonna be single.

296
00:10:15,399 --> 00:10:17,434
It's no secret why.

297
00:10:17,435 --> 00:10:19,636
[Belches]
Homegirl can't commit.

298
00:10:19,637 --> 00:10:20,704
Oh, [bleep].

299
00:10:20,705 --> 00:10:22,505
I got pupu
on my "do me" muumuu.

300
00:10:22,506 --> 00:10:23,640
Oh, God.

301
00:10:23,641 --> 00:10:25,875
Oh, it's just
a little stain, honey.

302
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:26,876
It'll come out.

303
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:27,944
Oh, it's not that.

304
00:10:27,945 --> 00:10:29,079
Who am I kidding?

305
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,281
I know it seems
like I've got it all...

306
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:33,683
Sex ed teacher,
income rental property,

307
00:10:33,684 --> 00:10:35,952
Kardashian Booty...

308
00:10:35,953 --> 00:10:37,854
But the truth is, babs...

309
00:10:37,855 --> 00:10:39,656
[Sobs]
I'm very lonely.

310
00:10:39,657 --> 00:10:40,990
You poor thing.

311
00:10:40,991 --> 00:10:43,093
You know, I'm going
to make it my personal quest

312
00:10:43,094 --> 00:10:45,061
to find you a good guy tonight.

313
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:46,062
[Shrieks]

314
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,430
Order your own, bitch!

315
00:10:47,431 --> 00:10:49,365
[Chuckles]
Just kidding.

316
00:10:49,366 --> 00:10:51,534
But get your own.

317
00:10:51,535 --> 00:10:53,269
[Groans]

318
00:10:53,270 --> 00:10:55,038
Ah.
[Gasps]

319
00:10:55,039 --> 00:10:56,172
Woodie, wake up.

320
00:10:56,173 --> 00:10:57,741
Hmm.
Where are we?

321
00:10:57,742 --> 00:10:59,075
What's going on?

322
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:02,045
Hello again, best friends.
Don't be alarmed.

323
00:11:02,046 --> 00:11:03,813
I assure you are
both in possession

324
00:11:03,814 --> 00:11:05,815
of your original kidneys
and your unconscious bodies

325
00:11:05,816 --> 00:11:09,786
were not violated by anyone
outside of this residence.

326
00:11:09,787 --> 00:11:12,422
It is time
for our next activity!

327
00:11:12,423 --> 00:11:14,824
Suspended above each...

328
00:11:14,825 --> 00:11:16,593
[Breaking up]
Damn it! Son of a...

329
00:11:16,594 --> 00:11:18,828
This fu... thing... balls!

330
00:11:18,829 --> 00:11:21,331
Every damn time!
Ugh!

331
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,799
Okay, where was I?

332
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:23,800
Oh, yeah.

333
00:11:23,801 --> 00:11:25,368
Suspended above...

334
00:11:25,369 --> 00:11:26,436
Mother...

335
00:11:26,437 --> 00:11:28,938
Damn it...
Piece of...

336
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,039
[Sighs]
Suspended above each of you

337
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,641
is your key to freedom.

338
00:11:31,642 --> 00:11:33,543
However, taking said key
will cause the tub

339
00:11:33,544 --> 00:11:35,411
of poisonous spiders,
centipedes, and worms

340
00:11:35,412 --> 00:11:36,713
to spill down on your comrade.

341
00:11:36,714 --> 00:11:38,581
You have 60 seconds.
That's all.

342
00:11:38,582 --> 00:11:39,883
[Timer beeps]

343
00:11:39,884 --> 00:11:41,684
Woodie, you know
you're my best bud and all,

344
00:11:41,685 --> 00:11:44,754
but I need to get Turk out
of here so I can get with Jeena.

345
00:11:44,755 --> 00:11:47,423
Fine, but it's unlimited
chesticles, under the shirt,

346
00:11:47,424 --> 00:11:50,026
bare skin to bare skin.

347
00:11:50,027 --> 00:11:51,094
Done.

348
00:11:51,095 --> 00:11:53,329
You have no self-esteem.

349
00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:54,998
[Timer beeping]
Hmm.

350
00:11:54,999 --> 00:11:57,200
I guess Wadska's...

351
00:11:57,201 --> 00:11:59,068
[Screams]

352
00:11:59,069 --> 00:12:01,504
How'd I get in a bathing suit?

353
00:12:01,505 --> 00:12:04,407
Jeena, stop being
such a stick in the muff.

354
00:12:04,408 --> 00:12:05,909
We'll get to studying
in a minute.

355
00:12:05,910 --> 00:12:08,411
Hey, I wrote a song for you.
You're gonna love it.

356
00:12:08,412 --> 00:12:12,715
♪ You're a lucky girl,
you get to be with me ♪

357
00:12:12,716 --> 00:12:16,719
♪ You got some lucky eyes,
'cause it's me that you see ♪

358
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:20,023
♪ My hair, my abs,
my rippling pecs ♪

359
00:12:20,024 --> 00:12:23,827
♪ They'd even make God erect ♪

360
00:12:23,828 --> 00:12:27,130
♪ You're a lucky girl,
I'd give you me for free ♪

361
00:12:27,131 --> 00:12:31,501
♪ I'm jealous of you,
you get to make love to me ♪

362
00:12:33,771 --> 00:12:36,072
It's so beautiful.

363
00:12:36,073 --> 00:12:38,308
How am I going
to compete with that?

364
00:12:38,309 --> 00:12:41,578
Ugh!
And why am I so fat?

365
00:12:41,579 --> 00:12:44,480
Ooh.

366
00:12:45,916 --> 00:12:47,984
How about that guy?

367
00:12:47,985 --> 00:12:50,386
Pass. I'll just be
horny an hour later.

368
00:12:50,387 --> 00:12:51,754
Delicate wrists.

369
00:12:51,755 --> 00:12:53,456
It'd be like bouncing
a hot dog down a hallway.

370
00:12:53,457 --> 00:12:55,458
No, he's a fat person.

371
00:12:55,459 --> 00:12:58,494
What about that European guy?

372
00:12:58,495 --> 00:13:00,630
Oh, yo-dee-lay-me-never.

373
00:13:00,631 --> 00:13:01,865
Well, hello, there, wet dream.

374
00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:03,733
I see you're almost done
with your drink.

375
00:13:03,734 --> 00:13:05,768
How about I get you a freshie?

376
00:13:05,769 --> 00:13:07,503
My friend and I
always drink together,

377
00:13:07,504 --> 00:13:09,606
so maybe you both
could join us?

378
00:13:09,607 --> 00:13:11,608
[Munching loudly]

379
00:13:11,609 --> 00:13:12,775
Whoa, whoa!
God, no.

380
00:13:12,776 --> 00:13:14,143
I-I-I forgot
that I'm gay.

381
00:13:14,144 --> 00:13:16,112
Uh, me too.

382
00:13:16,113 --> 00:13:20,483
Prove it.

383
00:13:20,484 --> 00:13:22,418
Put your tongues in each other's
mouth, bitches.

384
00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:25,488
[Both groaning]

385
00:13:25,489 --> 00:13:27,690
Looks like we got all strikes,
and no balls.

386
00:13:27,691 --> 00:13:29,325
What do you say
we go back to my place,

387
00:13:29,326 --> 00:13:32,428
open up some cherry wine,
and take a dip in the hot tub?

388
00:13:32,429 --> 00:13:35,231
You know how to work
a hydraulic lift, right?

389
00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:40,904
Hang on, babs Brando does not
give up that easy.

390
00:13:40,905 --> 00:13:42,538
Ah!

391
00:13:42,539 --> 00:13:43,473
Ah, thanks.

392
00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:45,141
Hmm, rough one, huh?

393
00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:47,110
They don't have
to set me on fire.

394
00:13:47,111 --> 00:13:48,511
They could just say, "no."

395
00:13:48,512 --> 00:13:50,013
Oh, well.

396
00:13:50,014 --> 00:13:51,781
How would you feel
about coming home

397
00:13:51,782 --> 00:13:55,685
with me and my friend?

398
00:13:55,686 --> 00:13:57,287
So let me get this straight.

399
00:13:57,288 --> 00:14:02,191
To get to the princess,
I have to go through bowser.

400
00:14:02,192 --> 00:14:04,761
Come on, Turk.
We have to study.

401
00:14:04,762 --> 00:14:06,462
We need to be
in a relaxed state

402
00:14:06,463 --> 00:14:08,564
in order to soak up
the information.

403
00:14:08,565 --> 00:14:11,801
You know, studies show we should
probably take our shirts off.

404
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:18,174
Ah!

405
00:14:18,175 --> 00:14:19,876
Whoa.
Wet t-shirt contest.

406
00:14:19,877 --> 00:14:21,144
Grow up.

407
00:14:21,145 --> 00:14:23,012
Let's go to my bedroom
so I can change.

408
00:14:23,013 --> 00:14:24,280
[Laughs]
I'll race ya.

409
00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:27,150
Balls.

410
00:14:32,222 --> 00:14:34,524
Balls.

411
00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:38,094
[Leaf blower whirring]

412
00:14:38,095 --> 00:14:41,664
[Gasps]
How beautiful.

413
00:14:41,665 --> 00:14:43,066
[Quietly]
Balls.

414
00:14:48,739 --> 00:14:50,139
Ah!
Oof!

415
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,375
If you smell something, it's not me.

416
00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:55,044
Little slippery shrimp
slipped down there earlier.

417
00:14:55,045 --> 00:14:56,646
A little mood lighting,

418
00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:59,882
some "pound sounds,"
and if you get hungry...

419
00:14:59,883 --> 00:15:01,884
My sex mix, chex mix.

420
00:15:01,885 --> 00:15:05,288
It's got craisins.
Mmm.

421
00:15:05,289 --> 00:15:07,557
You had me
at "pound sounds."

422
00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:08,624
[Imitating cell phone ring]

423
00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:09,892
Oh, is that my phone?

424
00:15:09,893 --> 00:15:11,361
Hello?
Oh, my God.

425
00:15:11,362 --> 00:15:13,262
My son Mondo is having
a heart attack?

426
00:15:13,263 --> 00:15:16,299
I should stop what I'm doing
no matter how erotic it may be?

427
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:17,300
Yeah, okay.

428
00:15:17,301 --> 00:15:19,535
All right, sorry.
I gotta go.

429
00:15:19,536 --> 00:15:20,770
[TV powers on]

430
00:15:20,771 --> 00:15:22,839
[Over TV] I'm going
to Jersey Shore, bitch!

431
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:23,840
I hope her kid's okay.

432
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,308
Oh!

433
00:15:25,309 --> 00:15:27,944
I think we both entered this
threesome under false pretenses.

434
00:15:27,945 --> 00:15:29,412
But I did take
a whole flight of stairs,

435
00:15:29,413 --> 00:15:32,382
and you're out 36 bucks
on drinks so...

436
00:15:32,383 --> 00:15:34,250
[Bed creaking]

437
00:15:34,251 --> 00:15:36,352
Let's do this thing.

438
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:37,587
[Screams]

439
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:41,090
Oh, and you should
really have a safe word.

440
00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:43,826
Ah!

441
00:15:43,827 --> 00:15:45,661
[Sighs]
Does this have something

442
00:15:45,662 --> 00:15:47,163
to do with chipmunking?

443
00:15:47,164 --> 00:15:48,498
Be patient.

444
00:15:48,499 --> 00:15:49,832
The time will come.

445
00:15:49,833 --> 00:15:50,933
In the meantime, here.

446
00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:52,468
Take your swords.

447
00:15:52,469 --> 00:15:53,770
No!

448
00:15:53,771 --> 00:15:56,272
Wadska, why do you always
have to be such a spaz?

449
00:15:56,273 --> 00:15:59,008
Can't we just watch a movie,
or make crank calls,

450
00:15:59,009 --> 00:16:00,710
or break into your parents'
liquor cabinet,

451
00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:04,213
and steal their car
like other normal teenage kids?

452
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,416
Okay.
Wow.

453
00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:07,950
I mean, could have done
all the normal stuff,

454
00:16:07,951 --> 00:16:09,619
but I wanted tonight
to be extra special.

455
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:13,089
I programmed every event based
on your personal interests.

456
00:16:13,090 --> 00:16:14,590
What are you talking about?

457
00:16:14,591 --> 00:16:17,093
I got shot in the face
with a paintball.

458
00:16:17,094 --> 00:16:18,494
[Groans]
What am I talking...

459
00:16:18,495 --> 00:16:20,530
Your favorite movie is <i>Avatar.</i>

460
00:16:20,531 --> 00:16:23,366
Anyone can watch it!
I let you live it.

461
00:16:23,367 --> 00:16:27,470
Shot like a Na'vi trying
to protect his tree of souls.

462
00:16:27,471 --> 00:16:28,604
And you...

463
00:16:28,605 --> 00:16:31,107
Your favorite gore franchise is <i>Saw.</i>

464
00:16:31,108 --> 00:16:34,043
But what about the bucket
full of bugs and worms?

465
00:16:34,044 --> 00:16:37,747
They're gummi worms.
It's your favorite candy.

466
00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:39,415
This one's so lifelike.

467
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:40,917
I'll take that.
Thank you.

468
00:16:40,918 --> 00:16:43,219
Whoa, I guess we
misjudged you, bro.

469
00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:46,089
Yeah, you're not really
that creepy after all.

470
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,557
All I do...

471
00:16:47,558 --> 00:16:51,060
♪ I do for you ♪

472
00:16:51,061 --> 00:16:53,262
And we're right back to creepy.

473
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,898
Duly noted.

474
00:16:55,899 --> 00:16:57,500
[Swords clang]

475
00:16:57,501 --> 00:16:58,901
Wait, guys.
Shush.

476
00:16:58,902 --> 00:17:01,037
[Passionate moaning]
Oh, yeah!

477
00:17:01,038 --> 00:17:04,540
Excuse me for a moment.

478
00:17:04,541 --> 00:17:06,676
Oh, ha-ha!

479
00:17:06,677 --> 00:17:07,777
Mondo!

480
00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:08,978
Oh, I'm sorry.
I heard screaming.

481
00:17:08,979 --> 00:17:11,981
I thought maybe you were
in danger, so I...

482
00:17:11,982 --> 00:17:14,884
Shot you with paintballs.

483
00:17:14,885 --> 00:17:15,952
Where is Turk?

484
00:17:15,953 --> 00:17:17,587
He left a while ago.

485
00:17:17,588 --> 00:17:19,388
He didn't really want to study.

486
00:17:19,389 --> 00:17:21,457
He didn't even bring any books.

487
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,593
Only this porn video.

488
00:17:23,594 --> 00:17:25,561
I've never seen
one of these before.

489
00:17:25,562 --> 00:17:26,662
Have you?

490
00:17:26,663 --> 00:17:28,197
Uh, no.
Not really.

491
00:17:28,198 --> 00:17:29,599
Well, it's not like
I've never seen one.

492
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:30,967
I've watched one for,
like, a minute.

493
00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:32,135
Well, I mean, I watched
more than a minute.

494
00:17:32,136 --> 00:17:33,603
I can watch
for hours sometimes.

495
00:17:33,604 --> 00:17:35,171
Uh, I don't mean
I watch porn for hours.

496
00:17:35,172 --> 00:17:36,572
You're twisting my words.

497
00:17:36,573 --> 00:17:37,874
[Giggles]

498
00:17:37,875 --> 00:17:40,143
I just wanted to see
what the big fuss was about.

499
00:17:40,144 --> 00:17:42,979
But I feel like
a perv watching it alone.

500
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,148
Do you wanna watch with me?

501
00:17:45,149 --> 00:17:48,251
Ah, yeah.
Sure.

502
00:17:48,252 --> 00:17:50,520
[Animalistic moaning]
Gross.

503
00:17:50,521 --> 00:17:51,988
There's no story whatsoever.

504
00:17:51,989 --> 00:17:53,156
They're just going
for shock value.

505
00:17:53,157 --> 00:17:54,524
Oh, no.
I paused it.

506
00:17:54,525 --> 00:17:56,225
This is <i>Family Guy.</i>

507
00:17:56,226 --> 00:17:59,395
[Groovy music]

508
00:17:59,396 --> 00:18:00,897
Relax.

509
00:18:00,898 --> 00:18:06,235
Come up here.

510
00:18:06,236 --> 00:18:08,137
[Laughs nervously]
Oopsie.

511
00:18:11,008 --> 00:18:12,975
Are you enjoying this?

512
00:18:12,976 --> 00:18:15,144
Yes.
I mean, no.

513
00:18:15,145 --> 00:18:16,646
Of course not.
No, no, no.

514
00:18:16,647 --> 00:18:18,514
I mean, you know what
would be more fun?

515
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:19,749
[Clears throat]

516
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,784
[As man on TV]
Excuse me ma'am. Pants detective.

517
00:18:21,785 --> 00:18:23,486
It seems your pants
have gone missing.

518
00:18:23,487 --> 00:18:24,787
[Laughs]

519
00:18:24,788 --> 00:18:26,956
[As woman on TV]
Why, yes, I keep touching myself

520
00:18:26,957 --> 00:18:29,458
to check, but
they're still gone.

521
00:18:29,459 --> 00:18:31,027
[Laughter]

522
00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:33,196
[As man on TV]
Also, I brought you a pizza.

523
00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:34,697
[As woman on TV]
It should be free.

524
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:37,867
It took more than a half hour,
and there's a penis in it.

525
00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:39,268
[Laughter]

526
00:18:39,269 --> 00:18:41,837
[As man on TV]
Ah, ma'am, you don't have to pay me

527
00:18:41,838 --> 00:18:43,005
with oral sex.

528
00:18:43,006 --> 00:18:46,375
I accept cash, credit cards,
and regular sex.

529
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:49,512
[Laughter]

530
00:18:56,587 --> 00:18:57,853
[On walkie-talkie]
Best friend number two,

531
00:18:57,854 --> 00:18:59,021
this is best friend number one.

532
00:18:59,022 --> 00:19:01,324
Closing ceremonies
are about to commence.

533
00:19:01,325 --> 00:19:02,592
What's your 20?

534
00:19:02,593 --> 00:19:05,561
Wow, he gave you
the "best friend" walkies.

535
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:07,330
He's had them for,
like, eight years,

536
00:19:07,331 --> 00:19:09,432
and you're the first friends
he's had over to use them.

537
00:19:09,433 --> 00:19:11,267
Oh, I didn't know that.

538
00:19:11,268 --> 00:19:13,469
Yeah, you guys must mean
a lot to him.

539
00:19:16,073 --> 00:19:18,040
Best friend number two
to best friend number one.

540
00:19:18,041 --> 00:19:19,575
I'm flying in.

541
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:22,712
Ah, that was the most fun I've
ever had playing "porneoke."

542
00:19:22,713 --> 00:19:24,880
[Chuckles]

543
00:19:28,952 --> 00:19:32,054
[Triumphant music]

544
00:19:32,055 --> 00:19:35,291
Okay, welcome to
the closing ceremonies of the

545
00:19:35,292 --> 00:19:39,362
three-way-sleep-date-man-
love-fest!

546
00:19:39,363 --> 00:19:42,365
Also known as the everyday
average dudes' slumber-bang.

547
00:19:42,366 --> 00:19:43,766
Close enough.

548
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:46,035
And now, without further ado,

549
00:19:46,036 --> 00:19:47,103
chipmunking!

550
00:19:47,104 --> 00:19:49,338
- Finally!
- Cool.

551
00:19:49,339 --> 00:19:50,473
What the hell is he doing?

552
00:19:50,474 --> 00:19:52,475
Human beings
don't bend that way.

553
00:19:52,476 --> 00:19:54,477
Oh, my God!
Get those out of there!

554
00:19:54,478 --> 00:19:57,580
What's happening?
[Both screaming]

555
00:19:57,581 --> 00:20:00,349
So how did things work out
with Jeena last night?

556
00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:02,518
Awesome.
We watched porn together.

557
00:20:02,519 --> 00:20:04,020
Sounds like you're laying
the foundation

558
00:20:04,021 --> 00:20:05,921
to a great relationship.

559
00:20:05,922 --> 00:20:07,123
So what else did you guys do?

560
00:20:07,124 --> 00:20:08,791
Well, I watched
a little weird dude

561
00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:10,159
stuff his nuts in his mouth.

562
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,895
Oh, yeah.
Chipmunking.

563
00:20:12,896 --> 00:20:15,231
So... What did you
do last night?

564
00:20:15,232 --> 00:20:17,166
Ah, nothing much.
It was a quiet night.

565
00:20:17,167 --> 00:20:18,334
[Door slams open]

566
00:20:18,335 --> 00:20:22,305
You should probably burn
that mattress.

567
00:20:22,306 --> 00:20:24,874
They're so ladylike.

568
00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:26,108
Okay, dude.
That's enough.

569
00:20:26,109 --> 00:20:28,244
Don't make this weird for me.

570
00:20:28,245 --> 00:20:29,345
Uh-uh.

571
00:20:29,346 --> 00:20:30,880
I never agreed
to the german cigarette.

572
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:32,048
<i>- Yah.</i>
<i>- Nein.</i>

573
00:20:32,049 --> 00:20:33,983
<i>- Yah.</i>
<i>- Nein!</i>

574
00:20:34,008 --> 00:20:39,308
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