Any Major Dude

Colin is 42 and a gardening journalist. He’s starting to suspect his wife, Freya, of harbouring secret yearnings for her ex, the ageing pop star Gordon ‘Midge’ Midgely, best known for the novelty hit "Be My Bear". But that’s not all. Tomorrow morning, the eccentric colonoscopist Dr Woolf will insert a camera and tell him whether he has bowel cancer. Colin has, however, made a solemn vow. If he gets the all clear, he will sing in a rock group at Freya’s 40th birthday party. Only one small detail can prevent him stealing the show – he doesn’t actually have a band.